Archive for December, 2017

Belated Fit Over Blogging

December 20, 2017

So back months ago when he first left our family for her, I told him I had resurrected my blog and was blogging about my pain over his betrayal. He did not care. So I continued but it wasn’t like I was blogging every day. Mostly I was trying to manage to live day to day. It is after all difficult to be a single parent with a needy 2 year old while the parent works part-time.  Additionally, the pain and grief from a loss such as this makes it difficult for one to do more than simply get out of bed to take care of the children.

A single woman whose boyfriend/fiancée/spouse cheats/leaves for another woman has the option of staying in bed crying all day.  That single woman gets to call into work sick so she can take a day or two to grieve. That same single woman does not have to see the lying, cheating ex until she is ready to see him. In fact, it is documented that one of the best ways to “get over” such a break up is to just not see the ex-person again until the hurting person stops hurting so much and is able to handle seeing the ex without all the emotional hurt. A woman with children for which to provide care does not get that option to call into work and never see the ex-person again. Children still need care provided regardless of mommy’s pain and hurt. Daddy still gets to come around to drive mommy crazy with his behavior, actions, words, and lies because children are involved. Thus making the break up much more hurtful and difficult on the mother than the home wrecker who got dumped by her fiancée.

Back to the original topic–my blog. I told him months ago. He did not care and shrugged it off. Then Saturday, he calls. “Take it down! One of KKBFF’s co-workers saw it and asked her if she does weed.”  What? LOUIS told me that KKBFF and Chris do weed. I barely mentioned the weed in my blog except as a 1 line reason why I don’t want my kids at that house. “You’re ruining KKBFF and Sarah’s professional reputations.” Umm no. I don’t care about Sarah nor do I owe her anything. She is the reason he left. As for KKBFF, she should have thought about her reputation before she not only got involved with helping her best friend secure a married man’s affections, but she should have thought about her reputation before she did weed while or with that married man at her home, so that he wouldn’t have gone home to his wife and told his wife about the weed.

Everything in my blog regarding KKBFF and Sarah has been from the perspective of him telling me about them. I have never met KKBFF nor Sarah–nor do I want to meet Sarah as I consider her the most moral lacking woman ever known to mankind–a husband chaser so desperate for a husband of her own that she does not mind chasing after a married man. I only know what he has told me about them and what the actions they have shown me by destroying my marriage.

In July and August, Louis told me Chris and KKBFF smoked weed so much at their apartment that combined with the lack of air conditioning, it was like a “Colombian Sauna” in their apartment with how thick the smoke was from the marijuana smoke. When I mentioned how it must be nice to have weed to help them relax and deal with the day’s stresses, he smiled and asked if I ever miss it myself.

He knows I smoked weed in college. I don’t hide that fact. I own up to it. I am not ashamed of it. However, even back then I had rules. I never smoked and got in a vehicle because I consider it like drinking and driving. I only did it with other adults and never with a child in the house which is why when I met Louis back in 2003, I told one of my really good friends that she could not come to the house while Louis’ older daughter was visiting. My friend Lyz was a heavy toker who woke up and took a hit before she even got out of bed. But Lyz was told no weed at the home Louis and I lived in back then while Rose was visiting. Lyz understood and never brought weed into the home when we had Rose for Louis’ visitation time.

So after he asked me if I ever missed it, and I admitted that, yes, it would be nice to have something to help relax after a really shitty day but that I don’t even get to drink a glass of wine anymore. Then I also stated that I would not even know where or how to get it anymore as I left that life behind me when I had our oldest child. (I never toked during the pregnancy and as our oldest is now 9 that means it has been many years since I had any.) I am not a smoker of tobacco and never have been. Even in college, I did not toke daily or even weekly as I have really bad allergies and while tobacco smoke is worse on my allergies than weed smoke was, I still had to suffer from allergies even when I did occasionally smoke weed way back in the day. Even back then, I did not do it except socially with friends–kind of like social drinking back in the day. I am grown up with kids and a job. It is called being an adult.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I am not against marijuana. I am actually for legalizing it once we have a way to measure the mind altering potential in a similar way that we measure alcohol. With alcohol, I don’t agree with drinking and driving. I am absolutely against drinking and driving. Also I don’t think a parent with kids should be drinking around the kids because the parent needs to be a parent in the proper mind not an altered state of mind. Despite the fact that we have alcohol (which is legal) in the house, I don’t even drink around my kids because if an accident were to happen, I need to be sober in order to care for my kids. It is called being a responsible parent. Thus I would never agree to an illegal substance like marijuana being done around my kids when I won’t allow alcohol to be drunk around my kids. I don’t even allow my father nor my sister to smoke cigarettes around my kids! Louis knows this and has always agreed in the past–until his own morals changed when he got involved with his little home wrecker.

So it kind of shocked me when the day or two after that conversation we had about whether I missed it or not, he shows up at the family home with a tiny little bud of weed! He mentioned it was from Chris and KKBFF, and it was for me to help me relax and deal with the stress and hurt of the breakup of my marriage. He also mentioned that they had asked him if he wanted them to grind it for me or did I have a grinder. He told them that I knew how to cut it up myself. They offered to grind it, and he said no need. I was so shocked when he handed it to me that I could not even think what to say. It was already hard for me to think straight when he was around during the first 2 weeks of all this hurt and pain that he caused but for him to hand me something he knew was against my “rules” of the house, just blew my mind. Afterward, when I was not around him, I started thinking more clearly and thought that while he was just trying to get me to “move on” from the relationship and that obviously Chris and KKBFF were just being nice to the poor broken-hearted wife, which I did not want to have that rule broken. So I went and threw it in the woods next to the house and the wrapper he brought it in to the house went in the garbage can.

Now I am glad I threw it away. I am glad I did not give into temptation. For one thing I was so broken hearted in the beginning that I was depressed–very depressed. Mind altering substances are not good when one is depressed. Furthermore, I am currently on medications for my health. I am 43! I have blood pressure issues and retaining fluid issues. I have trouble with my pre-diabetes. I have problems with my stomach acid. Plus now that our house roof has leaked for the past 2.5 to 3 years without him bothering to get it fixed, I have severe allergy issues. I am taking medications daily and have been taking medications daily for my health. I don’t want to risk using another substance like weed and chance having a drug interaction reaction. Finally, I was suspicious as to why he would even bring it to our house when he knew my rules regarding mind altering substances while children are under my care. All of this clearer thinking came to me AFTER he gave me that tiny little bud, so it caused to me to throw it away.

I also became steadfast in not wanting my children around people who thought nothing of the children in my care that they would send/give a broken-hearted wife weed. So I told Louis that I did not want our children at Chris and KKBFF’s house due to the weed smoking at the house. I told him this back in August. Louis, himself, even agreed in August that he did not want to take our children to KKBFF and Chris’ home as he did not think it suitable either for our kids to be over there. Duh. He even made the comment about how KKBFF wanted to meet me and get to know me in order to put my mind at rest about her because she was a mother and understood that I would need to be comfortable with my kids coming to her house as that was were Louis was going to be living. He, himself, said that he did not tell her at the time but he had no intention of bring our children to her home.

According to Louis, KKBFF is a drama queen always into one drama or another. Supposedly she has made some bad decisions in her life and had a rough life which included being involved with abusive ex and even some family drama regarding KKBFF’s mother. Supposedly she only has custody of one of her two children but he did not go into detail about that only said that it was another long story and he was not sure how much of it was true or not.

Chris is supposedly an emotionally needy person who has latched onto Louis as a fellow “intellectual” and thinks of Louis as a person with whom he can have deep meaningful discussions. Of course Louis said this in his arrogant manner that indicated that he considers himself to be much more intelligent than Chris while considering Chris to be slightly amusing to toy with on the mental level but he does not really consider Chris to be an equal mentally. (Louis has always preferred to pretend he is the smartest person in the room and that no one really understands him). The emotionally needy part according to Louis is so much so that Louis told me that once when Louis did not respond to Chris’ messages to Louis that Chris got upset and started bothering KKBFF about whether Louis was upset with Chris for some unknown reason.

Well considering I have given my knowledge and impressions of Chris and KKBFF as per according to Louis, how about that little home wrecker.  Sarah was supposedly a shy and reserved Catholic girl when she first started working at Navy Federal. Getting involved in the team building at the job allowed her to become friends with KKBFF. Now they are supposedly best friends. After Sarah’s fiancée broke off their engagement to go become a Catholic priest, Sarah supposedly began to come out of that shy, reserved shell. She started going out with KKBFF drinking and dancing. She supposed turned her back on her faith and all summer long Louis referred to Sarah as “formerly religious” to indicate she no longer believed in her faith. Louis has told me on several occasions since I found out about him dating her behind my back that if I just got to know her I would like her. That under other circumstances he feels Sarah and I would have become good friends. I have cut people from my life before for having affairs with married people because I disagree so strongly with adultery.

He actually told me in the beginning he wanted us to all be friends. Umm in what life time? How does he think that works? He left the kids and me for much younger woman. —O I am sorry he says he did not leave the kids he just left me. News Flash, he left the kids and me because I am part of the family with the kids. I carried those kids in my body and was cut open not once but twice for c-sections to give birth to those kids. I am part of the package whether he likes it or not. He donated the biological DNA for those kids so I am stuck with him whether I like it or not. Hence he left the kids and me not just me. — Why would I be friends with a woman who has a serious lack of morals? A woman who thinks it is okay to break up a marriage with kids for Sarah’s happiness? Duh! But for some reason he thought we were supposed to be all one big happy family once he decided to flip that switch in his brain to love her instead of loving me.

I am the betrayed wife. I would never stoop so low as to want to be around people who believe it is okay for a woman to steal another woman’s husband. Marriage is supposed to be sacred and between two people not something thrown away when the husband starts feeling mortal and old so he wants a new younger playmate to feel young again.

So do I care that after he knew about my blog for several months that his precious girlfriend finds out and he suddenly wants it down? No. He could have read it any time before she found out. He could have asked me to change something back then–including asking me to change where I name names. However, he did not ask me to change anything. I doubt he even read it. It was not a concern for him until KKBFF and Sarah found out. Suddenly, he wants to accuse me of trying to destroy HER professional career and good name. My response, she should have thought about her reputation BEFORE she decided to get involved with a married man.

If one is going to do something that one has to try to hide the circumstances and the truth surrounding that action then maybe one should not have done it in the beginning. Or maybe one should try to make amends now somehow, instead of doubling down on one’s poor choices. Instead Sarah has made herself happy at the expense of not just a wife but two kids.

Sarah needs to try to imagine and feel the pain of her ex leaving her at the first of the year. Now she needs to try to imagine how it would have felt 14 years later after getting married if her fiancée had left her not for his “calling to God” but for another, younger woman. Her pain from that event is nothing compared to the pain of a wife who made that life-time commitment to a husband while trusting he was making the same life-time commitment. If Sarah truly had a conscience or any decent morals, she would never have gotten involved with a man who was already married and who obviously was not planning to leave his wife considering we were not living in separate rooms in the house but we were still having intimate relations and going on family trips up until the VERY DAY she considers her anniversary for the start of her relationship with my husband.

At that point in the argument about my blogging, he decides rather than trying to talk me into taking it down he will instead try to black mail me into taking it down. So he sends me pictures via text trying to use pictures to force me to take down the blog. Ummm news flash to the dumb guy who thinks he is so smart, nothing in those pictures is something which could be used against me. All old stuff that is part of my past and nothing illegal in the present. I am willing to submit to a current drug test. I don’t mean a drug test which is from urine either. I will not only submit to a drug test of my body hair, but I will expect him and his girlfriends to submit to a body hair test as well. I don’t have a problem proving my suitability for being a parent, can he say the same about his home wrecking girlfriend and her friend?

Demolished Trust

December 19, 2017

This one is good! I so relate to the trust issues here. I blindly trusted my husband only to be betrayed, lied to, and broken.

My Life is a Soap Opera

I believe trust between two people is needed to feel secure and happy in a relationship. Trust creates a special kinship between those two separate people that no one else can share. To trust another is to have confidence in them regarding their choices, integrity, and character. To trust a spouse means you feel they have the ability to discern their own needs along with your best interests and needs at heart while finding a way to meet all of those needs with one another together.

When one person demolishes that trusting bond between them, how can they ever regain the others’ trust again?

Can they ever?

What does this entail?

What is needed?

When your spouse, after exposing his infidelity, deems his coworkers opinions of him in higher regard than his spouses’ opinion of him, there is a problem with trust.

When the disloyal spouse doesn’t trust his loyal…

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Unreliable Daddy

December 17, 2017

Friday, December 8, 2017, Louis was supposed to come to the house to watch the 2 year old for me while I went to the college where I work for a committee grading session. At the end of the semester, the developmental writing instructors gather together to do committee grading for the developmental writing courses. It normally takes 1-2 hours, and it is always done the last Friday of the semester. I messaged Louis on Wednesday, November 29th to ask if he could watch Aurora.  That is a full 9 days advanced notice to which he said yes. I offered to make daycare arrangements if he could not, but he said he could take care of her. So I did not make day care arrangements.

Then on the morning of the 8th, he over slept. I messaged him when I first woke up to remind him. Then I messaged him as it got near time for me to leave. He finally responded with, “Damn, it, I forgot. I am on my way.”  5 minutes later, he calls to say he is not on his way nor is he coming to watch Aurora. WHY? Because he claims the night before his car “left him stranded on the side of the road.” His words not mine. He claimed he over slept because he was stuck with a car that would not crank, and did not get to bed until 3 in the morning and had very little sleep. He said he thinks it is the battery. To which I responded, “You just bought that battery not to long ago.”

I am frustrated and don’t have time for his crappy excuse. I know him. He will use a kernel of truth to build a lie when he wants to get out of doing something. I have watched him for 14 years with his family and the lies and excuses he uses with his family.

As he insisted we move to Florida despite the fact that I have no family here, then he proceeded to drive wedges between my friends, family, and myself over the years in subtle ways, I have no support system here in the Pensacola Florida area to help me when I need a last minute favor. I call the only two mothers I know in the area. Janet is working 8-1. Jessica has three sick kids at home with fevers and possible flu. Neither are a possible choice for leaving my child with for a few hours while I go to work.

Even if the committee would be willing to excuse me from the grading session, I have papers of my students to submit for the grading committee. As it is our developmental classes are so slim these days that we only have about 5 of us for the grading committee, so not doing my part is not even an option—I must go with a 2 year old in tow.

On the way there, my van over heats and shuts off on the off ramp of the interstate exit to the college. I message Louis. I get no response. I call Louis. No answer. I message and call again. I call again and again. Finally I get so frustrated that I decide to call his homewrecker’s phone because I am pretty sure she and he are in bed together as he has told me that she now works 6pm to 2:30 am shifts now and it is his day off. She answers but does not say anything. I immediately try his phone again after telling her to have him answer his phone. WOW he answered his phone!

We end up fighting because frankly I am pissed that he has let me down not only by not taking care of our child—like he promised–, but that I should have to resort to calling his homewrecker in order for me to get him to answer his phone. He makes excuses and tried to tell me that she is not in bed with him. Okay so I don’t have physical proof but it was pretty obvious he was considering she answered her phone and suddenly he decided to answer my calls on his phone when he had been ignoring me.

He swears he was broke down but there are holes in his story. Like for example, he is claiming he was out late, yet the night he supposedly broke down, he left our house at 8pm and did not even tuck in our 9 year old—which disappointed her. Yet according to his phone call to me, he was out at 3 am broke down on the side of the road.

Next, a bad battery does not make a car break down on the “side of the road” while driving, but will keep the car from cranking up. I have seen my father crank a car then remove the battery from the running car. Once cranked, battery not needed in older model autos which are not hybrids—his car is an older model Ford Taurus. I point some of this out in our verbal exchange then I tell him I am sick of his lies and breaking his word. Obviously the children do not come before staying in bed with his girlfriend. Then I hang up on him.

Next day in text messages his story changes. See pictures of text conversations for his story changes where he conveniently explains everything except how it is that he left our house at 8pm yet was broke down. He claims it was the ignition switch. Now he claims around 10 pm when he stopped for gas that the car just would not crank up after stopping for gas. If his girlfriend was working, as she supposedly was, then how is it that he does not stop to get gas until 2 hours after leaving our house and does not get his car going again?

Finally, the real cincher is when I ask, so did you get your ignition fixed? Nope. So this car problem was so bad that he could not come do what he promised he would by watching our child so I could work, but he does not feel it is bad enough of an issue to fix in order that he will make it to work on time? So that he does not get stuck with the car not starting again when he is out and about? Um yeah and he wonders why I don’t believe him when he claims he could not come watch our child? He wonders why I don’t believe him when he claims he was not in bed with her when I was desperately calling him as I was with a 2 year old in freezing cold weather and an overheated van.

Like I said, I have seen him use a kernel of truth to build lies he told to his family so very often just to get out of doing stuff he did not want to do that I know when he is lying to me. Some of his story is true but parts of it is not and it is obvious. Which parts do you think he is lying about and which parts do you think he is telling the truth?

Love Notes

December 5, 2017

As I said in the previous post, it seem each month something happens coincidentally or magically which stresses me out and upsets me. November’s upset.

Wednesday, November 29th, per our usual agreement to allow him time with our children, he arrived at 4:40pm to spend a few hours with the girls while I took off to work out.

He usually brings his laptop bag into the house with his laptop. I often wonder why he insists on spending time with our girls if he is just going to use his laptop to “work” some transcription online thing or watch videos on his laptop. However he claims he does not get to do the transcription work at the house at which he is crashing because the couple he is crashing on their floor do not have internet. He claims he can only work at places like Starbucks who has free wifi or at our house where he can use the wifi. My point is that he is insisting on DAILY contact with the kids but not really spending that time with them if he is on his computer rather than spending time with them, but hey it’s his time.

So he packs up after I come back home because I was later than usual getting back from the gym (I stopped to pick up a prescription on my way home). He practically ran out the door when I got home. I got the girls in bed and went to the dinning room to work on grading a few papers for my classes. Under my laptop was a note from his homewrecker girlfriend, Sarah, to him.


First off, why was it even in the house? Why put it under my laptop? According to him he did not put it under the laptop on purpose. According to him, he took it off his car window and stuffed it in his pocket without reading it. He says he did not want me to see it on his window so he waited to read it until after I left to go to the gym. He is not sure how it got left on the table under my laptop. REALLY?

Second, “I love you to the moon and back” seriously? Does this girl not understand that is plagiarism? He never liked cliche crap like that before. He always appreciated originality–at least according to him.

So any way this upset me because frankly I don’t need reminders of his unfaithfulness. I don’t want to be reminded that my husband is openly committing adultery with another woman while still married to me. I don’t need to be reminded that he left our home, our kids, and me for her. It still hurts to realize that I put 14 years of my life into our relationship just for him to throw it away for a girl half my age. It still hurts to think about all my wasted time. It hurts to realize that I moved to Florida because he insisted he must live in Florida, yet he knew I was unhappy moving to Florida. I gave up my life, my budding career in Louisiana, and my dreams in order to come to Florida to make him happy just for him to decide he was unhappy no matter what I did for him.

The real eye opener was when I finally calmed down and we talked. I reminded him that he promised to never get bored with me and leave me for another woman. He apologized for what he called “being” him. He admitted that he is a sociopath who does not develop deep feelings for others. He made sure to clarify not psychopath but sociopath because he just does not get a deep emotional connection to people but he does have some small amount of empathy according to him.

My comment to that was along the lines of, “and you want to introduce HER to our children knowing you don’t develop deep emotional connections, so once the ‘newness’ wears off and you get bored with her then our children get hurt by losing her if they managed to get past the fact that she broke mommy and daddy apart?” He claims that this relationship is going to last in his opinion at least 5 years or so thus he feels it is appropriate to introduce her to the kids on a slow once a week type basis. WHAT!? So after 5 years when he gets bored with her it’s okay to screw up our kids some more emotionally?  I don’t think so. At this point, I am holding him to the agreement that he can’t have our children around his girlfriend without my approval, and I refuse to give my approval until he pays for therapy for our 9 year in order to help her deal with his leaving the family like he has. Furthermore, I personally think HE NEEDS THERAPY too! Any parent who thinks it is okay to jump from relationship to relationship when he gets bored with his current lover does not need to introduce his kids to his lovers.

Ipad Face-Time from the homewrecker

December 4, 2017

It seems each month something happens to upset me. October’s upset:

Tuesday, October 31 I noticed a face-time call from Louis’ girlfriend (aka homewrecker Sarah) on our 9 year old’s ipad.  According to Louis, by some strange coincidence, Louis’ iphone started sharing his contacts and messages to our 9 year old daughter’s ipad. It had not been sharing his contacts and his messages. According to Louis, it was not his girlfriend contacting our child, but it was his girl friend contacting him on his phone. By some strange reason the system just started showing her calling our daughter’s ipad.

Now if one looks at the picture I snapped first, it shows only Louis’ mother, our daughter’s best friend, daddy, my mother, our daughter’s ipad, then “Song Bird” which I know is Louis’ stupid nickname for his girlfriend (yes, he has nicknamed all his girlfriends each time he is in a relationship–Julia, the mother of his oldest daughter was his “Angel” and I was “Gorgeous” and now Sarah is “Song Bird”) Do notice NO OTHER contacts at this point where I first noticed the face-time call.


Of course I was immediately upset that his homewrecker was contacting our child when she is not supposed to be in contact with our child at all at this point. He signed an agreement that prospective boyfriends and girlfriends had to be approved by the other parent before meeting our children–of course this was AFTER he had already introduced our 9 year old to his girlfriend secretly behind my back and asked our 9 year old to lie to me about meeting the girlfriend.

Then the next day, suddenly all his contacts start showing up on our daughter’s ipad. All his messages and phone calls.

Later that night, I had the child’s ipad in my bedroom as it was after bedtime and I must take it away at night to not only charge it but to keep our 9 year old from secretly trying to play on the ipad when she is supposed to be asleep, and the ipad gets a phone call from the homewrecker. Coincidence? Or Sneaking around trying to facilitate a relationship which is not yet approved? Or just trying to drive me crazy?