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Modern Law Protects the Wrong doers

July 23, 2019

Recently, a friend’s husband who has been very sick, shoooed a large (pit bull type) dog from their property. As the husband, turned to go back into the home, the dog growled and rushed at the husband. The husband then pulled his firearm (licensed to carry) and shot, not the dog but in front of the dog, to scare it away. It worked and the dog went home with a few rock fragments in its face. The owner of the dog had a fit when a neighbor told the owner what had happened. The police were called. The friend’s husband was arrested. When he was arrested the police even agreed it was messed up that animals have more rights now than humans because if a human had threatened the man’s home and property the man would have been justified in shooting under the stand your ground law. Thankfully the entire event was caught on video as the friend and her husband have video monitoring around their home. They were able to eventually prove what happened using the video and get the charges dropped but only after the stress of bailing out dad who had been arrested in front of his 11 year old daughter, going to arraignment, filing for a court appointed attorney and praying they could get one because while they own their own business it is not a huge money maker thus they pay their bills but don’t have the down payment a lawyer wants for the upfront legal fees. Thus for weeks this family was under stress over not only dad’s illness but over legal issues and money issues.

Why is this aggressive dog allowed to run free in a neighborhood? The owner should have been more afraid of the citation for allowing his dog to terrorize the neighborhood than worried about his dog being shoooed away from a property with force.

So this started me thinking that in today’s society, our system has begun to protect the criminals and the wrong doers rather than the innocent.

Look at the divorces now. “No fault” states insist there is no fault even if a spouse is cheating on his/her partner. This is not fair to the spouse being cheated.

50/50 custody even if one of the parents had neglected his/her relationship during the marriage with the kids means that the neglectful parent can suddenly “attempt” to have a relationship with kids who don’t really want that parent in their life just so the neglectful parent can get out of child support.

Louis never wanted to fight for his Rose (his oldest daughter from his first girlfriend) despite the fact that I saved money up to try to get a lawyer. Gave that money to his mother who spent $100 on a legal consult but never followed up with the rest of the money I gave her but instead used it for pay for a trip to see and pick up Rose for a summer vacation. He wasn’t paying child support but was getting to see her occasionally until she turned 10 then SHE rejected him because she didn’t want to travel so far for a man who never called her or paid her mom child support when she had a new daddy supporting her mom.

He didn’t want Princess A and even asked his parents to loan him money on the pretense we needed it to pay an electric bill (yes we had an electric bill that was partially paid but he told them twice the total so he could get more than we needed) because he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. He now likes to claim that he told me it was “my choice” but he definitely put pressure on me to terminate while saying it was ultimately my choice. He said he didn’t need any more kids. He mentioned he had Rose (despite the fact that he never sees her anymore). He mentioned we had Princess J already, so we didn’t really need another child. He didn’t want another child but well it’s my body so it’s my choice. He even looked up costs and clinics in the local area for the termination of the pregnancy.

He pushed Princess A away from birth until 22 months. When I was stressed with trying to breast feed, he pushed me to continue in a way that he never pushed me to continue with Princess J. With Princess J he was fine with her switching to formula before she turned a year but Princess A he reminded me that it was “better for her than formula”. At the time he made me feel it was mostly because as long as I had to breast feed Princess A then I was the main care taker thus he could get away with not really taking care of her. I had to rush to work at the last minute and rush home from work at the last minute so that he would not have to spend much time providing care. Meanwhile he would leave for work an hour early and come home whenever. I had no free time for me and little time to keep up with my work. He started going on “team building” dinners with his co-workers.

Then suddenly he gets a new girlfriend and wants to play daddy to a child that doesn’t really know him well.

Our oldest, Princess J, I can understand him wanting time with her as he was there at her birth and bonded with her during her early years. Princess J and her dad have a good relationship. Princess A is really not as invested with her dad though.

Princess A tells me all the time that she does not want to go to daddy’s house. She wants to stay at mommy’s house. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about it because the law doesn’t recognize that he was a crap dad to her before the divorce. The law only cares about giving him a chance to be a dad now so that he doesn’t have to pay child support.

Once upon a time adulterers would have been stoned together both (my ex and his homewrecker) but now we give them lollipops and tell them they don’t even have to help take care of the family they destroyed.

The wronged are not even allowed to speak out against the wrong doers without being accused of bullying or sued for liable these days. It does not matter if someone does something wrong, the innocent are supposed to shut their mouths and not try to warn others that this may happen to you too.

 

 

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Only cheaters and liars think Marriage is just a piece of paper.

July 15, 2019

work for marriage

 

Louis use to say that marriage was just a piece of paper. Guess that is because to him marriage is not a commitment like the rest of us think. I have come to realize that his saying this was because he was raised by a mom who married and divorced repeatedly, so to him it was just a piece of paper and for him, even once we were married, he was not committed to the marriage like I was committed.

He even told me that he hated how the guys his mother married then divorced wanted to continue to see him and spend time with him after the divorce. This is in fact what he used as an excuse for not pursuing his relationship with his oldest daughter Rose. Rose was 10 when she started refusing to see him and when she started refusing to call him back when he would call her. He told me then how he did not want to pressure Rose to see him because he use to hate how those exes of his mother would try to still see him as if they were his father. He did not have a father and was never close to any of his mother’s husbands. In fact, he actively over several years complained about her current husband–who I actually think is a decent sort of guy so I defended him to Louis on some of those occasions where Louis would grump about his mother’s current husband trying to act like his “father”. But back to the original thoughts about Louis’ and his ideas regarding marriage (sorry for the side track).

Louis seems to think marriage is just a piece of paper to be discarded when he chooses. Thus for years before we were actually legally married he called me his wife to our family and friends. Then he surprised me and HE said, “Let’s get married.” To which I responded, “Why? Not that I am saying no but you have never felt that marriage was more than a piece of paper, so why now?”  He was like, “because I can’t see myself with anyone but you for the rest of my life.” I was like O WOW really then yes let’s get married. I believed him. He asked me. I questioned it. He answered my question with a good enough answer.

Later, (now) when asked why did you marry me just to dump me so quickly for a younger woman? He says because he wanted to make me happy. Um no I was not asking to get married. I was actively defending the decision to BOTH our families for us not marrying. He asked me. I did not push for it. So it boggles my mind that he now claims our marriage was over long before he met Sarah. Um really? Odd how only he sees it that way.

Everyone, but especially me, was shocked that we were getting divorced and that he dumped me for the very young co-worker. So obviously, it was not over until she came along. He slept in the bed with me up to the very day he asked for a divorce–July 29, 2017 which is the date (he claims) that she put into his phone as their anniversary. (Supposedly he just handed her his phone to put her address and phone into it and she put the anniversary in it also). That thought does make me question did she put it in his phone? Or was it him? I have caught him in so dang many lies since he said he wanted a divorce.

Then once he asked for a divorce, it was over. BANG. No compromise. No talking about it. No getting therapy for our marriage. Nope just he made a decision without consulting me or the kids. At that point, he went to dating his young co-worker and said he was not cheating because he told me he wanted a divorce before he went on that date the next night with her.

Um so he can declare a woman his wife for 10 years, but legally she is not. Then when she is legally his wife he declares the relationship over, so it is over just like that? Yet, by law he was committing adultery by being with someone else while still legally married. O wait, he doesn’t owe alimony because we were not legally married long enough despite the fact that he called me his wife for 10 years before we legally married–umm so the law only applies when it is convenient right? So which is it? We were married all that time he declared me his wife? Or did he commit adultery while still married to me. Can’t have both ways–it’s either one or the other. In his mind, he gets his way by having both apply when he wants it to apply.

This is the mentality of a cheater who does not value marriage. One who values marriage does see the marriage as a commitment between two people. Someone who values marriage as a commitment will want to work on the marriage before throwing in the towel and moving on to a much younger woman. Louis is obviously trying to re-write things in his mind to justify his behavior in leaving me for a younger woman without any warning. He likes to say our marriage was over, but he gave no indication of it. Yet now he justifies the fact that he was telling me he loved me, just days before asking for a divorce, by saying that he is just a really good actor. No your girlfriend just insisted you get a divorce. Then she paid for the lawyer to get the divorce.

So to all the ladies out there whose boyfriends are claiming your his wife, run. If he really believed you were his wife, he would go to the court house and marry you. Don’t take the scraps of some liar when you can find someone who will treat you so much better.

To the homewreckers who think you need a guy like this, thank you for stealing the faithless bum who can’t be trusted, thank you for breaking up the family, thank you for being the reason our children bounce from house to house. May you now get what you deserve, his false promises.

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Desperate GF pays for lawyer

March 13, 2018

Yup that’s right folks, she was so desperate to have him “not married” that she paid for his lawyer.

He admitted that she told him she would not date a married man. That is why he asked for a divorce.

A true Christian woman doesn’t tell a man, “Get a divorce because I won’t date a married man.” A true Christian woman tells a man, “Go home to your wife and kids.”

This one was so very desperate to have him free of his wife that she paid for his lawyer.

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No money for Child ADD testing but…

February 11, 2018

So Louis told me back in July to cancel the appointment we had for our oldest child to be tested for ADHD by a neuropsychology specialist that our pediatrician referred us to see because our child’s school did a parent and teacher questionnaire regarding her behaviors in the classroom and at home. The parent/teacher questionnaire came back showing the teacher marking her as ADHD; however, my part of the questionnaire that I filled out showed ADD.  The pediatrician felt that the school assessment is rather subjective not objective enough and so she referred us to a specialist who does testing for this sort of thing. Only the insurance via NFCU does not consider it “medically necessary” thus the insurance wants us to pay out of our own pocket for the testing. It was going to cost us $980.00 for the 3 appointments (2 for testing and 1 for follow up) back in July/August. Our appointment was for July 31 and August 2.

Why did Louis want it canceled? Because we did not have that much cash on hand nor have a credit card to pay for such an expense. We could not afford it at the time, and I agreed on the condition that we use some of our 2017 tax return to pay for the testing.

Yet, he had enough to pay for him and his girl friend to have tickets for her favorite comedian. He bought the tickets ($275) back on August 6, 2017 before he even moved out of the house on August 9th. He used the money in his personal account because he seems to think that is HIS money separate from me despite the fact that that is where our JOINT tax return refund was e-deposited, thus making it OUR money plus the fact that we were still legally married and living together at the time.

Furthermore, for his girlfriend’s birthday at the end of October/first of November, he took Sarah on a nice trip to New Orleans (interesting mostly because he seems to be reliving our first date with her).

Finally, he took out a credit card at the end of August because he decided he needed to build his credit up some more and he could use it to pay for our children’s birthdays in August and September. Now this is after 14 years of him refusing to build his credit up with a credit card because “everyone” he knows who got credit cards “got into trouble” by using them when it was not necessary to use them. Furthermore, he did not have the card in time to pay for our oldest daughter’s birthday at the end of August as it was still in the mail and did not arrive in time. Yet, somehow he ran up his credit card to its max at $3.490.00 in the 4.5 months that he was not living with the kids and I at the family home.

So as this nightmare separation and divorce has continued, I pushed for our oldest daughter to get therapy to help her deal with the divorce and daddy leaving mommy. Only he says he can’t afford the therapy cost. His insurance pays for all but $20 of the therapy each session. Once a week, $20 a week,for his child to have a therapist to help her deal with daddy leaving mommy is too much?

I had a written agreement from him saying he would not further introduce new people without my knowledge and permission to the children. I also agreed to not introduce new people to the children without his permission. Later I told him I understood that I may not be able to ever agree to his new girlfriend, Sarah, being around our kids because I am hurt and angry over her being the homewrecker girlfriend. If he and her had waited until the divorce was done before they started their relationship then I might not be so angry and bitter but because basically they were flirting around before he told me that he wanted a divorce and because he basically decided he wanted a divorce just so he could date her openly, I feel he and her did things wrong in how he ended our marriage. I resent her and him for the hurt they have caused me repeatedly over the past few months with leaving notes and texts (almost as if they can’t help shoving their relationship in my face), thus I told him I wanted to put our oldest child in therapy to not only help our child understand and deal with the divorce but also so that the therapist could let us know when our 9 year old was accepting of the divorce to the point that a new girlfriend could be introduced to the children.

After he decided to file for divorce papers, he decided that the agreement we had was not something he had to follow, even though he was the one who typed it up and we both agreed and signed it on August 3, 2017. So he has been taking the kids to spend entire days with him and his girlfriend doing fun stuff every other week during “his” week time with the kids. He is doing this against our original agreement, against my wishes as the other parent, and without being willing to pay for therapy.

He did not want to spend the money on the therapy for our oldest child! I am having to find a way to get our child the therapy she needs, and I will have to pay for her to have the needed testing for her educational needs.

Our child came home with an F on her report card. The school sent another questionnaire home and it came back with this year’s teacher scoring her as ADD and myself scoring her as ADD. Now the Neuropsycholigist is no longer considered “in network” with our insurance so the price has gone up to $1200 for the testing for our child. He does not WANT to pay for his share of the costs for our child.

Yet, he has the money to spend his yearly bonus that he just got in January on things like a new Nintendo Switch (for him and Jasmine because according to him, he figures I am going to take the PS3 with me when I move out and he wants something for him and Jasmine to play with after I move out). Also, he has the money to spend for a hotel room every other week or so in order that he and his girlfriend have a place to go have sex (after all he lives with the kids and I, she lives with her daddy, and the BFF kicked them out so as not to continue to enable their relationship which has progressed at a super fast speed before he is even divorced). He has the money to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring (black with silver accents on the band and a solitaire on top with pink stones on the sides of the solitaire–it got described to me in detail) and other gifts. But he does not have the money for OUR child to have testing done which may help her with her educational needs nor does he have the money to help pay for our child to have therapy for the angst and pain HE and HIS girlfriend have caused our family.

It seems to me that he has the money for things he wants but not for things our children need. He keeps claiming he is putting our children first, yet he won’t pay for things our children really do need.

He keeps harping on how he is not doing anything wrong and that he has not done anything to hurt our children mentally nor emotionally.  Thus he justifies his spending HIS money how he wishes on items that are his and his girlfriend’s wants not family needs.

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“In the best interests of the children”

February 3, 2018

I find this phrase ironic and funny. The state wants what is in the best interests of the children supposedly, yet the state allows a cheating husband to take the children to visit his family only an hour away in the same state, but the faithful wife is not allowed to take the children 3.5 hours away to visit her family because it is another state. The cheating husband has a local support system while the faithful wife has no local support system. So let’s not only force the wife to stay in a miserable situation but give the cheating husband all the power by allowing him to be in control.

Then there is the cheating husband’s claim that he is putting the children first. Umm no you are not. Forcing our children to meet your homewrecker girlfriend on a regular basis because you want them to develop a relationship when you are not even divorced yet, is not in the best interests of the children when one of the children is still struggling to understand what it means when mommy and daddy are still living in the same house but getting a divorce.

Our 9 year old drew a picture Thursday morning before school.

9 year old drawing

Notice the “mommy” and “daddy” are together and even appear to be holding hands. Our 9 year old wants this picture to be real. She told me on the way to drop her off at school that she wishes magic was real because she would wish for her family to be happy together.  How does a mother explain or deal with this?

I have to be careful what I say to her because the courts don’t want parents bad mouthing one another and even though it is the truth to tell her that daddy does not want mommy anymore that daddy wants Sarah now. Sarah and Louis consider this badmouthing them.

Sarah and Louis want to believe that they have done nothing wrong, yet they want to hide the truth of how they came to be a couple. If one has to hide or lie about something then perhaps one should rethink whether what one is doing is the “right” thing to do? Sarah and Louis just want everyone to blindly accept they met at work and fell in love while ignoring how they broke up a 14 year relationship with 2 children in order to “fall in love” working at NFCU. They want to ignore how he was still having intimate marital relations with me, his wife, up until 6 days before he told me he wanted a divorce. He groped me in our kitchen and wanted more intimacy only 3 days before they became a couple. He was constantly telling me how much he loved me and affectionate toward me up until the day he told me he wanted a divorce, and they became a couple that same day. They want people to ignore how the day he told me he wanted a divorce is the same day that Louis and Sarah celebrate as their anniversary day.

He doesn’t think our child needs a therapist to help her deal with the divorce that he wants so that he can go be with his homewrecker girlfriend who is 15 years younger than him. He refuses to believe that his actions are affecting our children. He just wants what he selfishly wants which is to be with someone else without any concern for the family he has destroyed in the process of seeking a younger woman to replace the wife he claimed to love for over 14 years.

In his mind, it is perfectly okay for Sarah to refer to my family has her own when talking to her co-workers and friends. She is now claiming my kids as her and his kids by referring to them as “our kids” when she talks about them. He defended her when I brought this to his attention that I was offended that she not only claimed I have mental issues and then referred to my children with him as “our children” as if they were his and her children. He said whomever told me this was lying because she would never try to step into my shoes and take my children.

He even told me how she “worried that the kids would grow to like her more than they like me.” STUPID man has not been around many manipulative, lying women before because well I can’t lie well and avoid lying by simply always trying to be honest (according to my best friend and soon to be ex-husband I suck at lying and everyone can tell when I try because it is written on my face), so he does not have much practice with the whole woman way of asking permission for something by actually expressing it as if it was a worry or concern. That was basically her way of asking him permission to pursue to win my children’s love just like she “won” his love away from me. Duh.

Our children are hurting, and he is not concerned because he would rather ignore the children’s pain for his own happiness. Yeah, I am angry, hurt, and bitter but at least I am willing to acknowledge honestly that I am angry, hurt, and bitter over how he and her have treated me. However I am also VERY worried about my children. Specifically my oldest girl who is 9 years old and not accepting that mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. When daddy moved back into the house, she thought daddy was moving back into mommy’s room. She does not understand that mommy and daddy are not back together as a family now just because we live in the same house while fighting in court over who gets the house and who gets the kids for how much time. What she sees is daddy is back in the home again. What she wants is the picture she drew–notice the homewrecker is not in that picture and mommy and daddy appear to be holding hands. That is her dreams that he is planning to crush.

Nothing he has done has been “for our children” but all about him and for him and his girlfriend who he now puts before the well being of our children.

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Bored with the homewrecker, already?

January 31, 2018

Found out that little miss homewrecker is not only well known for her drama with my husband at their work place, but that she was on a website looking for a “third” for her and him. The catch? The profile and the conversation that took place looking for that third took place 3 months ago.

Let’s see, I kinda struggle with math but even I can do this math. 6 months ago he told me he wanted a divorce, but there was no one else he was wanting to date, he just wasn’t happy. 2 days later he got caught on a date with his homewrecker but claimed they were “just friends”. Then I found out how he introduced her to our oldest daughter but told our oldest daughter “don’t tell mommy it would hurt her feelings.”

Then only 3 months into their relationship (during which time we still were not divorced so yes it is cheating), he convinces her to bring a third into the relationship? Wow it took him almost 6 years to work up to that request with me (and no we never had anyone join us nor did we ever “swap” like some couples do–not that I am against it but I had legitimate concerns about allowing “outsiders” into our relationship like that). Guess he either loved me more during our 14 year relationship, or he respected me more during our 14 year relationship, or he just got really bored with her crappy sex skills–after all he was the one joking last year about how her Fiancee left her to be a Catholic priest, so according to him, “she either sucked in bed or the ex-Fiancee was gay because no normal guy leaves decent sex for celibacy in the priesthood.”

Now I am sure everyone wants to know how I found out about her being a pimp for him by trying to get him a third girl in their sex life.  Well I teach at a local college, and after a class I was talking to a co-worker about the divorce and the text he “coincidentally” sent last week to my iphone, when a student over heard our conversation. This student jumped into the conversation and said the name sounded familiar and asked what do Louis and Sarah look like. I just happen to have some pictures that also “coincidentally” turned up on our daughter’s iPad back last fall when him and her started all their drama of pushing their relationship into my face and onto our children. So I showed a picture to the student who then admitted she was a lesbian, then proceeded to tell me how Sarah was on PoF (some website for dating called Plenty of Fish) looking for a third. I asked of course when was this, and was this recently?  The student told me, “O no back in October or so.”

LOL Sucks to be her. She obviously isn’t enough for her ex-fiancee nor my husband’s sick mid-life crisis perversions. The ex-fiancee left her and my husband is using her as his pimp to find other women for him.

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Another “coincidence”??

January 27, 2018

Since Louis moved back into the house just so he can fight me for the house and the kids in the divorce, things have been tense and stressful, but I am dealing with everything by just ignoring his presence for the most part.

He works 8 to 4:30 pm now Sunday thru Thursday so for 4 days a week during his proclaimed “week with the kids”,  he takes the kids to daycare and early morning drop off care. However because our oldest has to be picked up by 2pm (school lets out at 1:50pm) and he is not off work, he either has to have someone pick her up for him and provide care for 2.5 hours or he has to pay for after school care as well for her. So I pick our oldest child up from school because even though I am sure he would LOVE for his girlfriend to be allowed to pick her up, the court paperwork says child care providers must be approved by both parents and/or be within 2 degrees of relation by blood or marriage. In other words, until they are married the homewrecker can’t provide care for our kids so she can’t pick up our children from school and/or daycare. Thus I do it even though he is so very firm about the whole “his” week and “my” week thing for who gets to do stuff with the kids. I am still providing the child care for our children during “his” week. These are my children and I love them so I do it more for my children than I do for him anyway.

So Wednesday, I get this message from him about how he was running late to work and had to park in the garage, so he is going to be late getting to the house. Normally he tries to get to work early so he can leave a bit early thus he manages to drive in the drive way most days by 4:40 when he gets off work supposedly at 4:30 despite traffic due to thousands of people who get off work at the same time at his company.

I responded that it was not a problem and told him that our 2 year old was not wanting to go outside to play (which is unusual for her).  I figured he needed to know because it might mean the 2 year old is not feeling well. The 2 year old has been struggling for weeks now with a runny nose and a cough that while it is clear runny, it is still runny and worries me about how long it is lasting.

Then 5 minutes later it get another message from him. Only it says, “I love you, and I miss you… but I hope you are sleeping well, my love. I hope all of your dreams are of drunk elephants and burrito bulldogs.”  Ummm what!? He just sent me a love message that he meant for his homewrecker girlfriend!

Now one of my friends at first was like, “maybe he is wanting you back” to which I responded, “nope.”  Sarah likes elephants not me. I like Seahorses and dachshunds.

So Yet another OPPS? Did he mean to do this text to me or not? Is this yet another attempt from him to upset, stress me out, hurt me further, and make me hate him and her even more? Why do these coincidences keep happening. Just when I think I am in a calm place and mood with this divorce, something stupid happens. Frankly too many coincidences for me to believe this is not happening on purpose for some sick reason. The big question is what is the reason?

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Abortion is evil but adultery is okay, right?

January 16, 2018

Got a homewrecker whose car has a bumper sticker about how she is against abortion but her married lover once asked his wife to consider terminating a pregnancy.  When did God allow us to pick and chose what tenets of the bible to follow?

Pretty sure God is against home wrecking and adultery just as much if not more than he is against abortion. I mean look at scriptures.

The Ten commandments pretty much tell us not to commit adultery and not to lust after another person’s spouse. #7 plain as day states not to commit adultery. #10 says not to covet what another has.

Yet,

God sometimes approves of killing fetuses.

And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive? … Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. — Numbers 31:15-17
Yea, though they bring forth, yet will I slay even the beloved fruit of their womb. — Hosea 9:16

Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up. — Hosea 13:16

God sometimes kills newborn babies to punish their parents.

Because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die. — 2 Samuel 12:14

God sometimes causes abortions by cursing unfaithful wives.

The priest shall say unto the woman, The LORD make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when the LORD doth make thy thigh to rot, and thy belly to swell. And this water that causeth the curse shall go into thy bowels, to make thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to rot: And the woman shall say, Amen, amen. …
And when he hath made her to drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people. And if the woman be not defiled, but be clean; then she shall be free, and shall conceive seed. — Numbers 5:21-21, 27-28

God’s law sometimes requires the execution (by burning to death) of pregnant women.

Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt. — Genesis 38:24

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Christmas from Hell!

January 15, 2018

So right before Christmas the shit hit the roof.

12/18/2017 I am trying to get house cleaned and kids ready to go run errands when a guy comes to the door and knocks. He serves me divorce paperwork. According to the divorce paperwork the judge signed on the paperwork on December 11, 2017 but I was not served until the 18th. (Later I find out that Louis did not pay to have me served until the 18th and he paid for same day service with 24 hour service guarantee.)

I had discussed with him Christmas holidays already previously but now he decides that the court pre-trial order is in his favor thus he wants to follow it. Of course, he did not bother to have me served in a timely manner so I technically got shafted for half my Christmas time.

Additionally, we had agreed years ago that the children would always spend Christmas day at home playing with their toys. We only went ONCE to his step-dad’s brother’s house for Christmas and we did not leave that time until after 1 almost 2 with an arrival of 3:30pm. That was the year that I was not speaking to my own parents, and his family was doing a huge get together. Normally we always have the kids at home for Christmas day. Nope not this year, because the pre-trial order gives him the right, he decides to take the kids for Christmas day to his Step-dad’s brother’s house again for Christmas BUT he is also taking his home-wrecking girlfriend, Sarah Broaddus, with him to his family’s holiday. Imagine a family picture with two kids–cut out mom and insert the homewrecker—that is Louis’ attitude towards our marriage and family.

He even had the nerve to tell me at Chic-fl-a in front of a friend that “The kids need to get to know their step-mother” to which I replied, “She is not their step-mother! You are still married to me!”

So I try  to schedule appointments to see lawyers to interview lawyers to handle my case but so close to Christmas means it is difficult to schedule. Not only do I need money–which I don’t have since he cuts off the pay going to the joint account so that I can’t pay the house bills which he agreed to pay.

 

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Belated Fit Over Blogging

December 20, 2017

So back months ago when he first left our family for her, I told him I had resurrected my blog and was blogging about my pain over his betrayal. He did not care. So I continued but it wasn’t like I was blogging every day. Mostly I was trying to manage to live day to day. It is after all difficult to be a single parent with a needy 2 year old while the parent works part-time.  Additionally, the pain and grief from a loss such as this makes it difficult for one to do more than simply get out of bed to take care of the children.

A single woman whose boyfriend/fiancée/spouse cheats/leaves for another woman has the option of staying in bed crying all day.  That single woman gets to call into work sick so she can take a day or two to grieve. That same single woman does not have to see the lying, cheating ex until she is ready to see him. In fact, it is documented that one of the best ways to “get over” such a break up is to just not see the ex-person again until the hurting person stops hurting so much and is able to handle seeing the ex without all the emotional hurt. A woman with children for which to provide care does not get that option to call into work and never see the ex-person again. Children still need care provided regardless of mommy’s pain and hurt. Daddy still gets to come around to drive mommy crazy with his behavior, actions, words, and lies because children are involved. Thus making the break up much more hurtful and difficult on the mother than the home wrecker who got dumped by her fiancée.

Back to the original topic–my blog. I told him months ago. He did not care and shrugged it off. Then Saturday, he calls. “Take it down! One of KKBFF’s co-workers saw it and asked her if she does weed.”  What? LOUIS told me that KKBFF and Chris do weed. I barely mentioned the weed in my blog except as a 1 line reason why I don’t want my kids at that house. “You’re ruining KKBFF and Sarah’s professional reputations.” Umm no. I don’t care about Sarah nor do I owe her anything. She is the reason he left. As for KKBFF, she should have thought about her reputation before she not only got involved with helping her best friend secure a married man’s affections, but she should have thought about her reputation before she did weed while or with that married man at her home, so that he wouldn’t have gone home to his wife and told his wife about the weed.

Everything in my blog regarding KKBFF and Sarah has been from the perspective of him telling me about them. I have never met KKBFF nor Sarah–nor do I want to meet Sarah as I consider her the most moral lacking woman ever known to mankind–a husband chaser so desperate for a husband of her own that she does not mind chasing after a married man. I only know what he has told me about them and what the actions they have shown me by destroying my marriage.

In July and August, Louis told me Chris and KKBFF smoked weed so much at their apartment that combined with the lack of air conditioning, it was like a “Colombian Sauna” in their apartment with how thick the smoke was from the marijuana smoke. When I mentioned how it must be nice to have weed to help them relax and deal with the day’s stresses, he smiled and asked if I ever miss it myself.

He knows I smoked weed in college. I don’t hide that fact. I own up to it. I am not ashamed of it. However, even back then I had rules. I never smoked and got in a vehicle because I consider it like drinking and driving. I only did it with other adults and never with a child in the house which is why when I met Louis back in 2003, I told one of my really good friends that she could not come to the house while Louis’ older daughter was visiting. My friend Lyz was a heavy toker who woke up and took a hit before she even got out of bed. But Lyz was told no weed at the home Louis and I lived in back then while Rose was visiting. Lyz understood and never brought weed into the home when we had Rose for Louis’ visitation time.

So after he asked me if I ever missed it, and I admitted that, yes, it would be nice to have something to help relax after a really shitty day but that I don’t even get to drink a glass of wine anymore. Then I also stated that I would not even know where or how to get it anymore as I left that life behind me when I had our oldest child. (I never toked during the pregnancy and as our oldest is now 9 that means it has been many years since I had any.) I am not a smoker of tobacco and never have been. Even in college, I did not toke daily or even weekly as I have really bad allergies and while tobacco smoke is worse on my allergies than weed smoke was, I still had to suffer from allergies even when I did occasionally smoke weed way back in the day. Even back then, I did not do it except socially with friends–kind of like social drinking back in the day. I am grown up with kids and a job. It is called being an adult.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I am not against marijuana. I am actually for legalizing it once we have a way to measure the mind altering potential in a similar way that we measure alcohol. With alcohol, I don’t agree with drinking and driving. I am absolutely against drinking and driving. Also I don’t think a parent with kids should be drinking around the kids because the parent needs to be a parent in the proper mind not an altered state of mind. Despite the fact that we have alcohol (which is legal) in the house, I don’t even drink around my kids because if an accident were to happen, I need to be sober in order to care for my kids. It is called being a responsible parent. Thus I would never agree to an illegal substance like marijuana being done around my kids when I won’t allow alcohol to be drunk around my kids. I don’t even allow my father nor my sister to smoke cigarettes around my kids! Louis knows this and has always agreed in the past–until his own morals changed when he got involved with his little home wrecker.

So it kind of shocked me when the day or two after that conversation we had about whether I missed it or not, he shows up at the family home with a tiny little bud of weed! He mentioned it was from Chris and KKBFF, and it was for me to help me relax and deal with the stress and hurt of the breakup of my marriage. He also mentioned that they had asked him if he wanted them to grind it for me or did I have a grinder. He told them that I knew how to cut it up myself. They offered to grind it, and he said no need. I was so shocked when he handed it to me that I could not even think what to say. It was already hard for me to think straight when he was around during the first 2 weeks of all this hurt and pain that he caused but for him to hand me something he knew was against my “rules” of the house, just blew my mind. Afterward, when I was not around him, I started thinking more clearly and thought that while he was just trying to get me to “move on” from the relationship and that obviously Chris and KKBFF were just being nice to the poor broken-hearted wife, which I did not want to have that rule broken. So I went and threw it in the woods next to the house and the wrapper he brought it in to the house went in the garbage can.

Now I am glad I threw it away. I am glad I did not give into temptation. For one thing I was so broken hearted in the beginning that I was depressed–very depressed. Mind altering substances are not good when one is depressed. Furthermore, I am currently on medications for my health. I am 43! I have blood pressure issues and retaining fluid issues. I have trouble with my pre-diabetes. I have problems with my stomach acid. Plus now that our house roof has leaked for the past 2.5 to 3 years without him bothering to get it fixed, I have severe allergy issues. I am taking medications daily and have been taking medications daily for my health. I don’t want to risk using another substance like weed and chance having a drug interaction reaction. Finally, I was suspicious as to why he would even bring it to our house when he knew my rules regarding mind altering substances while children are under my care. All of this clearer thinking came to me AFTER he gave me that tiny little bud, so it caused to me to throw it away.

I also became steadfast in not wanting my children around people who thought nothing of the children in my care that they would send/give a broken-hearted wife weed. So I told Louis that I did not want our children at Chris and KKBFF’s house due to the weed smoking at the house. I told him this back in August. Louis, himself, even agreed in August that he did not want to take our children to KKBFF and Chris’ home as he did not think it suitable either for our kids to be over there. Duh. He even made the comment about how KKBFF wanted to meet me and get to know me in order to put my mind at rest about her because she was a mother and understood that I would need to be comfortable with my kids coming to her house as that was were Louis was going to be living. He, himself, said that he did not tell her at the time but he had no intention of bring our children to her home.

According to Louis, KKBFF is a drama queen always into one drama or another. Supposedly she has made some bad decisions in her life and had a rough life which included being involved with abusive ex and even some family drama regarding KKBFF’s mother. Supposedly she only has custody of one of her two children but he did not go into detail about that only said that it was another long story and he was not sure how much of it was true or not.

Chris is supposedly an emotionally needy person who has latched onto Louis as a fellow “intellectual” and thinks of Louis as a person with whom he can have deep meaningful discussions. Of course Louis said this in his arrogant manner that indicated that he considers himself to be much more intelligent than Chris while considering Chris to be slightly amusing to toy with on the mental level but he does not really consider Chris to be an equal mentally. (Louis has always preferred to pretend he is the smartest person in the room and that no one really understands him). The emotionally needy part according to Louis is so much so that Louis told me that once when Louis did not respond to Chris’ messages to Louis that Chris got upset and started bothering KKBFF about whether Louis was upset with Chris for some unknown reason.

Well considering I have given my knowledge and impressions of Chris and KKBFF as per according to Louis, how about that little home wrecker.  Sarah was supposedly a shy and reserved Catholic girl when she first started working at Navy Federal. Getting involved in the team building at the job allowed her to become friends with KKBFF. Now they are supposedly best friends. After Sarah’s fiancée broke off their engagement to go become a Catholic priest, Sarah supposedly began to come out of that shy, reserved shell. She started going out with KKBFF drinking and dancing. She supposed turned her back on her faith and all summer long Louis referred to Sarah as “formerly religious” to indicate she no longer believed in her faith. Louis has told me on several occasions since I found out about him dating her behind my back that if I just got to know her I would like her. That under other circumstances he feels Sarah and I would have become good friends. I have cut people from my life before for having affairs with married people because I disagree so strongly with adultery.

He actually told me in the beginning he wanted us to all be friends. Umm in what life time? How does he think that works? He left the kids and me for much younger woman. —O I am sorry he says he did not leave the kids he just left me. News Flash, he left the kids and me because I am part of the family with the kids. I carried those kids in my body and was cut open not once but twice for c-sections to give birth to those kids. I am part of the package whether he likes it or not. He donated the biological DNA for those kids so I am stuck with him whether I like it or not. Hence he left the kids and me not just me. — Why would I be friends with a woman who has a serious lack of morals? A woman who thinks it is okay to break up a marriage with kids for Sarah’s happiness? Duh! But for some reason he thought we were supposed to be all one big happy family once he decided to flip that switch in his brain to love her instead of loving me.

I am the betrayed wife. I would never stoop so low as to want to be around people who believe it is okay for a woman to steal another woman’s husband. Marriage is supposed to be sacred and between two people not something thrown away when the husband starts feeling mortal and old so he wants a new younger playmate to feel young again.

So do I care that after he knew about my blog for several months that his precious girlfriend finds out and he suddenly wants it down? No. He could have read it any time before she found out. He could have asked me to change something back then–including asking me to change where I name names. However, he did not ask me to change anything. I doubt he even read it. It was not a concern for him until KKBFF and Sarah found out. Suddenly, he wants to accuse me of trying to destroy HER professional career and good name. My response, she should have thought about her reputation BEFORE she decided to get involved with a married man.

If one is going to do something that one has to try to hide the circumstances and the truth surrounding that action then maybe one should not have done it in the beginning. Or maybe one should try to make amends now somehow, instead of doubling down on one’s poor choices. Instead Sarah has made herself happy at the expense of not just a wife but two kids.

Sarah needs to try to imagine and feel the pain of her ex leaving her at the first of the year. Now she needs to try to imagine how it would have felt 14 years later after getting married if her fiancée had left her not for his “calling to God” but for another, younger woman. Her pain from that event is nothing compared to the pain of a wife who made that life-time commitment to a husband while trusting he was making the same life-time commitment. If Sarah truly had a conscience or any decent morals, she would never have gotten involved with a man who was already married and who obviously was not planning to leave his wife considering we were not living in separate rooms in the house but we were still having intimate relations and going on family trips up until the VERY DAY she considers her anniversary for the start of her relationship with my husband.

At that point in the argument about my blogging, he decides rather than trying to talk me into taking it down he will instead try to black mail me into taking it down. So he sends me pictures via text trying to use pictures to force me to take down the blog. Ummm news flash to the dumb guy who thinks he is so smart, nothing in those pictures is something which could be used against me. All old stuff that is part of my past and nothing illegal in the present. I am willing to submit to a current drug test. I don’t mean a drug test which is from urine either. I will not only submit to a drug test of my body hair, but I will expect him and his girlfriends to submit to a body hair test as well. I don’t have a problem proving my suitability for being a parent, can he say the same about his home wrecking girlfriend and her friend?

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