So tonight the girls are back with me. Frankly I despise the 50/50 thing; I don’t feel it is always in the best interest of the children.
Tonight, my youngest whimpered and cried at bed time. When I asked her what is wrong, she said, she wanted to suck her thumb. I asked her why she felt she could not. She said because SARAH said something about her needing to stop sucking her thumb and said something about her teeth. Sarah made her feel bad.
Um excuse me?
When did Sarah become mom? Sarah is the homewrecker. The destroyer of a family for her own selfishness. I don’t hold my ex-husband blameless in the family falling apart. In fact he is completely just as selfish and guilty. He lied to me. He lied to Sarah. He made promises that he broke. However, the point here is not about the past but the future. The children that are MY children and HIS children. Sarah needs to know her place.
She is not mom. WE have been through this before. Two years ago when THEY decided to potty train the baby. It was not their right to decide behind my back that it was time to potty train. That was a discussion he should have had with me. That was a decision he should have made with me–not behind my back with Sarah.
Pre-homewrecker, I potty trained the oldest by myself after discussions with him. He wanted no part of it. In fact, his attitude was that if the child was a boy it would have been on him to potty train, but because our child was a girl it did not feel “right” for him to be the one potty training her. He left me to do all the work on potty training our oldest child. I found a way to potty her that was loving and not shameful nor traumatic and maintained proper modesty.
Then post-homewrecker, while I was forced to go out of town for a work training, he and homewrecker decided to use a method of potty training where the child ran around the house completely naked during the week while I was gone. He decided without talking to me that our child would not attend the daycare during that week, so that he and Sarah could potty train our youngest at home. Um that was a bit of a fight between him and I then. I was pissed and rightfully so. I never let our oldest run around completely naked during potty training. I put her in dresses to make it easier to potty train but she was covered to maintain modesty. More importantly, he did not have the right to make a major decision like that regarding our child without discussion between him and I–but he likes to be sneaky and do shit behind my back.
He can claim, “it’s his home” all he likes but these children are MY children with him. Not his children with her. Thus legally all major decisions made regarding our children should be made during a discussion with him and I, where she gets NO input or say in the matter. If he and I can’t agree, then we are required to get a mediator and/or take the matter before a judge.
Therefore, it is not Sarah’s place to decide to say anything to a child that is MY child and HIS child, but not her child, regarding something like thumb sucking, potty training, etc. Before deciding to try to break a thumb sucking habit, he should have discussed it with me, and we should have decided a plan of parenting around that issue together–him and I. Consistency is important with children.
One set of rules at one home and a different set of rules at the other house harms the children mentally and emotionally. Only he doesn’t want me having a say because I am not allowed to have any control over MY children when they are at his home–that’s his attitude. Um that is not in the best interest of the children and NOT even the way this co-parenting shit works–legally.
I am sure he does not remember how I broke our oldest child’s finger sucking, but it never included shaming her. It was done quietly in a manner that never made our oldest child feel bad for sucking her fingers. In fact, recently I reminded someone in my family of this very fact not too long ago when that person dared to say some thing to Baby A recently about her thumb sucking. I reminded someone in my family recently of how J sucked her fingers and I had a very effective and painless way to deal with the finger/thumb sucking when I–the parent–was ready to deal with it.
My baby child whimpered and cried tonight because Sarah said something to shame her about her sucking her thumb. Not Sarah’s right. Not Sarah’s place. She needs to get in her lane and stay in her lane. She likes controlling and taking over MY home, My family, My lane way too much.
NOT Sarah’s place to make decisions regarding MY children. Not Sarah’s place to discuss things with him regarding our children or how the children are raised without ME–the mother–being a part of the discussion and plan. It dang sure is not her place to shame my child for any reason.
I got fixed because HE didn’t want more children. He also did not want to risk “some doctor cutting him down there and making ‘it’ not work anymore” so I had to be the one to get cut up to prevent further pregnancy. Now, despite the fact I would have loved more children, I can’t have more. She is young and intact. He can get her pregnant and give her children of her own that him and her can raise together and make all the decisions they want together. However my children are not her children for her to make those decisions.
She has done enough damage to my children by destroying the children’s family and forcing the children to bounce back and forth between “mommy’s house” and “daddy’s house”.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LANE HOMEWRECKER.
Update: He called to discuss the issue, and rather than argue with him, I accepted his lies. He lies so very much. He thinks I am stupid and don’t realize when he lies. ugg. He claims Sarah never told our child that she could not suck her thumb. Our child just magically out of the blue started asking if she could suck her thumb, so they are gently encouraging her not to suck her thumb. He lied to his mom all the time when we were together, and I watched and learned. I know when he lies. ugg. How did I ever fall for his bull shit.
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