Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

Belated Fit Over Blogging

December 20, 2017

So back months ago when he first left our family for her, I told him I had resurrected my blog and was blogging about my pain over his betrayal. He did not care. So I continued but it wasn’t like I was blogging every day. Mostly I was trying to manage to live day to day. It is after all difficult to be a single parent with a needy 2 year old while the parent works part-time.  Additionally, the pain and grief from a loss such as this makes it difficult for one to do more than simply get out of bed to take care of the children.

A single woman whose boyfriend/fiancée/spouse cheats/leaves for another woman has the option of staying in bed crying all day.  That single woman gets to call into work sick so she can take a day or two to grieve. That same single woman does not have to see the lying, cheating ex until she is ready to see him. In fact, it is documented that one of the best ways to “get over” such a break up is to just not see the ex-person again until the hurting person stops hurting so much and is able to handle seeing the ex without all the emotional hurt. A woman with children for which to provide care does not get that option to call into work and never see the ex-person again. Children still need care provided regardless of mommy’s pain and hurt. Daddy still gets to come around to drive mommy crazy with his behavior, actions, words, and lies because children are involved. Thus making the break up much more hurtful and difficult on the mother than the home wrecker who got dumped by her fiancée.

Back to the original topic–my blog. I told him months ago. He did not care and shrugged it off. Then Saturday, he calls. “Take it down! One of KKBFF’s co-workers saw it and asked her if she does weed.”  What? LOUIS told me that KKBFF and Chris do weed. I barely mentioned the weed in my blog except as a 1 line reason why I don’t want my kids at that house. “You’re ruining KKBFF and Sarah’s professional reputations.” Umm no. I don’t care about Sarah nor do I owe her anything. She is the reason he left. As for KKBFF, she should have thought about her reputation before she not only got involved with helping her best friend secure a married man’s affections, but she should have thought about her reputation before she did weed while or with that married man at her home, so that he wouldn’t have gone home to his wife and told his wife about the weed.

Everything in my blog regarding KKBFF and Sarah has been from the perspective of him telling me about them. I have never met KKBFF nor Sarah–nor do I want to meet Sarah as I consider her the most moral lacking woman ever known to mankind–a husband chaser so desperate for a husband of her own that she does not mind chasing after a married man. I only know what he has told me about them and what the actions they have shown me by destroying my marriage.

In July and August, Louis told me Chris and KKBFF smoked weed so much at their apartment that combined with the lack of air conditioning, it was like a “Colombian Sauna” in their apartment with how thick the smoke was from the marijuana smoke. When I mentioned how it must be nice to have weed to help them relax and deal with the day’s stresses, he smiled and asked if I ever miss it myself.

He knows I smoked weed in college. I don’t hide that fact. I own up to it. I am not ashamed of it. However, even back then I had rules. I never smoked and got in a vehicle because I consider it like drinking and driving. I only did it with other adults and never with a child in the house which is why when I met Louis back in 2003, I told one of my really good friends that she could not come to the house while Louis’ older daughter was visiting. My friend Lyz was a heavy toker who woke up and took a hit before she even got out of bed. But Lyz was told no weed at the home Louis and I lived in back then while Rose was visiting. Lyz understood and never brought weed into the home when we had Rose for Louis’ visitation time.

So after he asked me if I ever missed it, and I admitted that, yes, it would be nice to have something to help relax after a really shitty day but that I don’t even get to drink a glass of wine anymore. Then I also stated that I would not even know where or how to get it anymore as I left that life behind me when I had our oldest child. (I never toked during the pregnancy and as our oldest is now 9 that means it has been many years since I had any.) I am not a smoker of tobacco and never have been. Even in college, I did not toke daily or even weekly as I have really bad allergies and while tobacco smoke is worse on my allergies than weed smoke was, I still had to suffer from allergies even when I did occasionally smoke weed way back in the day. Even back then, I did not do it except socially with friends–kind of like social drinking back in the day. I am grown up with kids and a job. It is called being an adult.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I am not against marijuana. I am actually for legalizing it once we have a way to measure the mind altering potential in a similar way that we measure alcohol. With alcohol, I don’t agree with drinking and driving. I am absolutely against drinking and driving. Also I don’t think a parent with kids should be drinking around the kids because the parent needs to be a parent in the proper mind not an altered state of mind. Despite the fact that we have alcohol (which is legal) in the house, I don’t even drink around my kids because if an accident were to happen, I need to be sober in order to care for my kids. It is called being a responsible parent. Thus I would never agree to an illegal substance like marijuana being done around my kids when I won’t allow alcohol to be drunk around my kids. I don’t even allow my father nor my sister to smoke cigarettes around my kids! Louis knows this and has always agreed in the past–until his own morals changed when he got involved with his little home wrecker.

So it kind of shocked me when the day or two after that conversation we had about whether I missed it or not, he shows up at the family home with a tiny little bud of weed! He mentioned it was from Chris and KKBFF, and it was for me to help me relax and deal with the stress and hurt of the breakup of my marriage. He also mentioned that they had asked him if he wanted them to grind it for me or did I have a grinder. He told them that I knew how to cut it up myself. They offered to grind it, and he said no need. I was so shocked when he handed it to me that I could not even think what to say. It was already hard for me to think straight when he was around during the first 2 weeks of all this hurt and pain that he caused but for him to hand me something he knew was against my “rules” of the house, just blew my mind. Afterward, when I was not around him, I started thinking more clearly and thought that while he was just trying to get me to “move on” from the relationship and that obviously Chris and KKBFF were just being nice to the poor broken-hearted wife, which I did not want to have that rule broken. So I went and threw it in the woods next to the house and the wrapper he brought it in to the house went in the garbage can.

Now I am glad I threw it away. I am glad I did not give into temptation. For one thing I was so broken hearted in the beginning that I was depressed–very depressed. Mind altering substances are not good when one is depressed. Furthermore, I am currently on medications for my health. I am 43! I have blood pressure issues and retaining fluid issues. I have trouble with my pre-diabetes. I have problems with my stomach acid. Plus now that our house roof has leaked for the past 2.5 to 3 years without him bothering to get it fixed, I have severe allergy issues. I am taking medications daily and have been taking medications daily for my health. I don’t want to risk using another substance like weed and chance having a drug interaction reaction. Finally, I was suspicious as to why he would even bring it to our house when he knew my rules regarding mind altering substances while children are under my care. All of this clearer thinking came to me AFTER he gave me that tiny little bud, so it caused to me to throw it away.

I also became steadfast in not wanting my children around people who thought nothing of the children in my care that they would send/give a broken-hearted wife weed. So I told Louis that I did not want our children at Chris and KKBFF’s house due to the weed smoking at the house. I told him this back in August. Louis, himself, even agreed in August that he did not want to take our children to KKBFF and Chris’ home as he did not think it suitable either for our kids to be over there. Duh. He even made the comment about how KKBFF wanted to meet me and get to know me in order to put my mind at rest about her because she was a mother and understood that I would need to be comfortable with my kids coming to her house as that was were Louis was going to be living. He, himself, said that he did not tell her at the time but he had no intention of bring our children to her home.

According to Louis, KKBFF is a drama queen always into one drama or another. Supposedly she has made some bad decisions in her life and had a rough life which included being involved with abusive ex and even some family drama regarding KKBFF’s mother. Supposedly she only has custody of one of her two children but he did not go into detail about that only said that it was another long story and he was not sure how much of it was true or not.

Chris is supposedly an emotionally needy person who has latched onto Louis as a fellow “intellectual” and thinks of Louis as a person with whom he can have deep meaningful discussions. Of course Louis said this in his arrogant manner that indicated that he considers himself to be much more intelligent than Chris while considering Chris to be slightly amusing to toy with on the mental level but he does not really consider Chris to be an equal mentally. (Louis has always preferred to pretend he is the smartest person in the room and that no one really understands him). The emotionally needy part according to Louis is so much so that Louis told me that once when Louis did not respond to Chris’ messages to Louis that Chris got upset and started bothering KKBFF about whether Louis was upset with Chris for some unknown reason.

Well considering I have given my knowledge and impressions of Chris and KKBFF as per according to Louis, how about that little home wrecker.  Sarah was supposedly a shy and reserved Catholic girl when she first started working at Navy Federal. Getting involved in the team building at the job allowed her to become friends with KKBFF. Now they are supposedly best friends. After Sarah’s fiancée broke off their engagement to go become a Catholic priest, Sarah supposedly began to come out of that shy, reserved shell. She started going out with KKBFF drinking and dancing. She supposed turned her back on her faith and all summer long Louis referred to Sarah as “formerly religious” to indicate she no longer believed in her faith. Louis has told me on several occasions since I found out about him dating her behind my back that if I just got to know her I would like her. That under other circumstances he feels Sarah and I would have become good friends. I have cut people from my life before for having affairs with married people because I disagree so strongly with adultery.

He actually told me in the beginning he wanted us to all be friends. Umm in what life time? How does he think that works? He left the kids and me for much younger woman. —O I am sorry he says he did not leave the kids he just left me. News Flash, he left the kids and me because I am part of the family with the kids. I carried those kids in my body and was cut open not once but twice for c-sections to give birth to those kids. I am part of the package whether he likes it or not. He donated the biological DNA for those kids so I am stuck with him whether I like it or not. Hence he left the kids and me not just me. — Why would I be friends with a woman who has a serious lack of morals? A woman who thinks it is okay to break up a marriage with kids for Sarah’s happiness? Duh! But for some reason he thought we were supposed to be all one big happy family once he decided to flip that switch in his brain to love her instead of loving me.

I am the betrayed wife. I would never stoop so low as to want to be around people who believe it is okay for a woman to steal another woman’s husband. Marriage is supposed to be sacred and between two people not something thrown away when the husband starts feeling mortal and old so he wants a new younger playmate to feel young again.

So do I care that after he knew about my blog for several months that his precious girlfriend finds out and he suddenly wants it down? No. He could have read it any time before she found out. He could have asked me to change something back then–including asking me to change where I name names. However, he did not ask me to change anything. I doubt he even read it. It was not a concern for him until KKBFF and Sarah found out. Suddenly, he wants to accuse me of trying to destroy HER professional career and good name. My response, she should have thought about her reputation BEFORE she decided to get involved with a married man.

If one is going to do something that one has to try to hide the circumstances and the truth surrounding that action then maybe one should not have done it in the beginning. Or maybe one should try to make amends now somehow, instead of doubling down on one’s poor choices. Instead Sarah has made herself happy at the expense of not just a wife but two kids.

Sarah needs to try to imagine and feel the pain of her ex leaving her at the first of the year. Now she needs to try to imagine how it would have felt 14 years later after getting married if her fiancée had left her not for his “calling to God” but for another, younger woman. Her pain from that event is nothing compared to the pain of a wife who made that life-time commitment to a husband while trusting he was making the same life-time commitment. If Sarah truly had a conscience or any decent morals, she would never have gotten involved with a man who was already married and who obviously was not planning to leave his wife considering we were not living in separate rooms in the house but we were still having intimate relations and going on family trips up until the VERY DAY she considers her anniversary for the start of her relationship with my husband.

At that point in the argument about my blogging, he decides rather than trying to talk me into taking it down he will instead try to black mail me into taking it down. So he sends me pictures via text trying to use pictures to force me to take down the blog. Ummm news flash to the dumb guy who thinks he is so smart, nothing in those pictures is something which could be used against me. All old stuff that is part of my past and nothing illegal in the present. I am willing to submit to a current drug test. I don’t mean a drug test which is from urine either. I will not only submit to a drug test of my body hair, but I will expect him and his girlfriends to submit to a body hair test as well. I don’t have a problem proving my suitability for being a parent, can he say the same about his home wrecking girlfriend and her friend?

Love Notes

December 5, 2017

As I said in the previous post, it seem each month something happens coincidentally or magically which stresses me out and upsets me. November’s upset.

Wednesday, November 29th, per our usual agreement to allow him time with our children, he arrived at 4:40pm to spend a few hours with the girls while I took off to work out.

He usually brings his laptop bag into the house with his laptop. I often wonder why he insists on spending time with our girls if he is just going to use his laptop to “work” some transcription online thing or watch videos on his laptop. However he claims he does not get to do the transcription work at the house at which he is crashing because the couple he is crashing on their floor do not have internet. He claims he can only work at places like Starbucks who has free wifi or at our house where he can use the wifi. My point is that he is insisting on DAILY contact with the kids but not really spending that time with them if he is on his computer rather than spending time with them, but hey it’s his time.

So he packs up after I come back home because I was later than usual getting back from the gym (I stopped to pick up a prescription on my way home). He practically ran out the door when I got home. I got the girls in bed and went to the dinning room to work on grading a few papers for my classes. Under my laptop was a note from his homewrecker girlfriend, Sarah, to him.

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First off, why was it even in the house? Why put it under my laptop? According to him he did not put it under the laptop on purpose. According to him, he took it off his car window and stuffed it in his pocket without reading it. He says he did not want me to see it on his window so he waited to read it until after I left to go to the gym. He is not sure how it got left on the table under my laptop. REALLY?

Second, “I love you to the moon and back” seriously? Does this girl not understand that is plagiarism? He never liked cliche crap like that before. He always appreciated originality–at least according to him.

So any way this upset me because frankly I don’t need reminders of his unfaithfulness. I don’t want to be reminded that my husband is openly committing adultery with another woman while still married to me. I don’t need to be reminded that he left our home, our kids, and me for her. It still hurts to realize that I put 14 years of my life into our relationship just for him to throw it away for a girl half my age. It still hurts to think about all my wasted time. It hurts to realize that I moved to Florida because he insisted he must live in Florida, yet he knew I was unhappy moving to Florida. I gave up my life, my budding career in Louisiana, and my dreams in order to come to Florida to make him happy just for him to decide he was unhappy no matter what I did for him.

The real eye opener was when I finally calmed down and we talked. I reminded him that he promised to never get bored with me and leave me for another woman. He apologized for what he called “being” him. He admitted that he is a sociopath who does not develop deep feelings for others. He made sure to clarify not psychopath but sociopath because he just does not get a deep emotional connection to people but he does have some small amount of empathy according to him.

My comment to that was along the lines of, “and you want to introduce HER to our children knowing you don’t develop deep emotional connections, so once the ‘newness’ wears off and you get bored with her then our children get hurt by losing her if they managed to get past the fact that she broke mommy and daddy apart?” He claims that this relationship is going to last in his opinion at least 5 years or so thus he feels it is appropriate to introduce her to the kids on a slow once a week type basis. WHAT!? So after 5 years when he gets bored with her it’s okay to screw up our kids some more emotionally?  I don’t think so. At this point, I am holding him to the agreement that he can’t have our children around his girlfriend without my approval, and I refuse to give my approval until he pays for therapy for our 9 year in order to help her deal with his leaving the family like he has. Furthermore, I personally think HE NEEDS THERAPY too! Any parent who thinks it is okay to jump from relationship to relationship when he gets bored with his current lover does not need to introduce his kids to his lovers.

Ipad Face-Time from the homewrecker

December 4, 2017

It seems each month something happens to upset me. October’s upset:

Tuesday, October 31 I noticed a face-time call from Louis’ girlfriend (aka homewrecker Sarah) on our 9 year old’s ipad.  According to Louis, by some strange coincidence, Louis’ iphone started sharing his contacts and messages to our 9 year old daughter’s ipad. It had not been sharing his contacts and his messages. According to Louis, it was not his girlfriend contacting our child, but it was his girl friend contacting him on his phone. By some strange reason the system just started showing her calling our daughter’s ipad.

Now if one looks at the picture I snapped first, it shows only Louis’ mother, our daughter’s best friend, daddy, my mother, our daughter’s ipad, then “Song Bird” which I know is Louis’ stupid nickname for his girlfriend (yes, he has nicknamed all his girlfriends each time he is in a relationship–Julia, the mother of his oldest daughter was his “Angel” and I was “Gorgeous” and now Sarah is “Song Bird”) Do notice NO OTHER contacts at this point where I first noticed the face-time call.

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Of course I was immediately upset that his homewrecker was contacting our child when she is not supposed to be in contact with our child at all at this point. He signed an agreement that prospective boyfriends and girlfriends had to be approved by the other parent before meeting our children–of course this was AFTER he had already introduced our 9 year old to his girlfriend secretly behind my back and asked our 9 year old to lie to me about meeting the girlfriend.

Then the next day, suddenly all his contacts start showing up on our daughter’s ipad. All his messages and phone calls.

Later that night, I had the child’s ipad in my bedroom as it was after bedtime and I must take it away at night to not only charge it but to keep our 9 year old from secretly trying to play on the ipad when she is supposed to be asleep, and the ipad gets a phone call from the homewrecker. Coincidence? Or Sneaking around trying to facilitate a relationship which is not yet approved? Or just trying to drive me crazy?

 

Daddy time with kids?

September 7, 2017

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My soon to be ex was always a lazy bum who was selfish in his need for “his personal time” while shoving all the work on me. Now that we are divorcing, nothing has changed.

For 6 weeks now I have been the main caretaker of the children. My only breaks being a short 1 hour no more than 2 hours in the morning to rush to the gym (20 minutes away so there and back cuts into that time with travel) so I can work out or when I go teach a class on Tuesday and Thursdays. I decided I needed a “me” day and told the kid’s father that I would like him to show up on the morning of Sept 6 so he could spend the entire day with the baby and pick up our older girl from school (I normally pick her up).

Now this was one of his days off from work, so this should not be an issue. Furthermore, he keeps complaining about his drive from the house he is crashing at is too far (30 minutes) so he wants to be allowed to stay at the family home from time to time. In fact, he does nothing but complain about his drive from Milton to work being too far. His drive from Milton to the family home being too far. His every excuse is about how far he lives away now that he CHOSE to leave our family for his new home wrecking tramp, (you remember Sarah the 21 year old co-worker at Navy Federal Credit Union who he dumped his family for right?). Never mind the fact that for 2-3 years now I have been driving 2-4 days per week to Milton to teach at the PSC Milton campus just to earn enough to pay bills because until he got the job at Navy Federal Credit Union, he was too lazy to work a full time job to help pay bills. I guess it is okay for me to spend over an hour on the road traveling to work for bill money but he can’t.

So I tell him, “Hey, on Wednesday, your day off I want the day to go do some things myself. So come on over and spend the entire day at the house with the kids. Stay and tuck them into bed and even stay the night in the guest bedroom so you don’t have to drive all the way back to Milton then drive back early in the morning to the Family home.” He agrees but does not want to be at the family home for his usual early morning (6:45am) time so that I can go grab a work out. I decide okay I will either skip my morning workout or go work out at one of the later times as the gym at PSC is open gym during 3 times a day (6:25am-8:55am/12 noon to 2pm/ or 3pm to 7pm). So I tell him I have lunch arranged for 10:30am with a friend so please show by 9:30am instead of 6:45am. I am trying to work with him while getting a bit of free time for myself too.

He shows up on Wednesday, September 6 then informs me that he wants an hour to go see his young homewrecker for “lunch” later. I let him know that well I had plans pretty much worked out for the entire day and was not planning to rush home at any point but I will try to figure it out if I can.

At 11:30 am I call him and tell him I can come home now so that he can have lunch with her before she goes to work at 2. He tells me she is off today as well, and he indicates that it might be too early for his “lunch” with her. I say okay, and I head to the gym instead.

I am planning to go visit a friend myself a little after 2 for the afternoon. So I don’t contact him again right away.

At 2:33 according to my phone stamp, he messages me about taking kids to Triple Play and wants to know what time I will return. I am an hour away by this time visiting with my friend in the country side. I answer him around 3:53pm with the information about the Bouncy places in town (Triple Play, The Bounce House, and Sky Zone). I put my phone down and don’t bother to look at it again for about an hour. When I do look I see I have missed calls and a threat from him that he plans to take the kids to Chick-fl-a to meet his girlfriend when he knows he is not allowed to take the kids around her. The divorce papers are not yet signed, and I am the custody parent with the right to say no. He left the children in my care when he willingly moved out of our family home to be with his much younger girlfriend. I say no he can’t take our children around Sarah and her best friend KKBFF because Louis himself has told me on several occasions that they smoke weed all the time at KKBFF’s house. I don’t want young 21-24 year old weed smokers around my kids who are already dealing with daddy leaving the family.

Just last week, Louis and I discussed getting our oldest into therapy and letting the therapist decide when Jasmine is ready to meet his girlfriend. I have no plans to introduce my children to strange men (and considering I can’t get any time without the kids just for me to visit actual friends of mine how the heck can I expect to even consider having time to date a man let alone form any relationship with a new man to the point that I would even consider introducing him to my kids). So Louis knows he is not supposed to introduce Sarah to the kids anytime soon. But he threatened me with taking them to meet her just to force me to return to the house on HIS time table rather than letting me have a day for me. Then he gets attitude saying I agreed to return to let him have time to go see his girlfriend.

Ummm no I said I would try to work it in but that I had already made plans for my day. He does not want to hear that obviously. When I was willing to return for an hour like he asked (from 12-1:00) he turned it down because it was too early for him and her to meet up.

He gets angry because he wants 1 hour on his day off with HER but he did not see the kids at all on Sunday which was his day off. He could have spent the entire day with her on Sunday but today which was supposed to be my day had to be interrupted on HIS time table to make me come home WHEN HE WANTS ME TO COME HOME, so he could go see HER.

Furthermore, on top of all this crap, he had the audacity to accuse me of being out at an “orgy” because I supposedly don’t know people up in Century/Jay/Brewton area. News flash to the dumb-soon-to-be-ex-husband who never paid attention to who I knew and who I was friends with because he rejected getting to know any of my friends. Yeah actually I do know folks. One of my dog show friends just recently moved to Brewton. Another Dog show friend (couple actually) has been in Jay for over a year now. Plus, I know another friend up in the Jay area not far from the Dog show couple I mentioned earlier. Additionally, I even know someone who lives over in Milton –and she has kids of her own. Furthermore, I know people here in the local Pensacola area–it just so happens I was visiting with 1 person here in Pensacola today for lunch, then went to work out, then drove an hour north to visit. Going out screwing around on his spouse is his MO considering he is the one with time to have  a girlfriend while I have to beg for time to go visit people I want to visit.

I am so sick of his BULLS#!&

 

Dumped Catholic Girl becomes Homewrecker

August 21, 2017

I have been recalling all the times my cheating husband Louis talked about his co-workers. I finally realized something about his lady love at the office. Yep, that’s right, my husband is the cliché “man cheating with a much younger co-worker at the office” guy. So I recall back in the early part of the year a story Louis told myself, his family, and even my best friend, Jenn.

So this girl was so very upset over her fiancée dumping her that she could not go to work. The fiancée dumped her so he could run off to join a seminary for training to become a Catholic priest. I recall Louis joking about what a blow that must have been to her self-esteem considering he left to be a priest. He even made a joke about how the guy must have been gay or she just really sucked in bed that bad because no self-respecting man would ever leave good sex for celibacy in the priesthood.

Now at the Navy Federal Credit Union office where Louis works, he is known as a bit of a jokester who plays practical jokes on the others in the office. Their supervisor has previously mentioned how Sarah really needs to be included in the office group of games and fun to team build and make her feel like part of the team because evidently she is so shy and reserved.

So Louis goes on to tell all the family and friends about how this girl Sarah he works with called in sick to work, but she was not really sick just heartbroken. The supervisor sent out an email about how Sarah is going to be out for the day, but Louis decided to play a practical joke by altering the email message and snapping a picture to send to Sarah. In this email he played with he put in a part about how employees pretending to be sick but the boss knows. He makes it go on about how employees are going to suffer consequences for playing sick when they are not really sick.

He knows Sarah is playing hooky because her bestie KKBFF is in contact with her via texting. So figuring Sarah being the up-tight religious girl that she is, he tells KKBFF to not let the joke go on for too long but to let Sarah know it is a joke before she freaks out. They send this joke mail to Sarah, and she freaks before KKBFF can tell her that it was a joke. Sarah ends up calling the supervisor all upset and worried.

Now when I recalled this particular story, I asked Louis if his new girlfriend that he dumped me (his wife of 14 years and mother of 2 of his children) is the same Sarah he told me about whose boyfriend ran off and left her to become a priest. He confirmed it was indeed. This baffles me.

So I talked to my best friend about it. I told her that evidently this Sarah who stole my husband is the same twit who was dumped by her fiancée to become a priest. That I remember Louis played a joke on her. At which point, Jenn interrupted me to exclaim, “O my God! I remember that story. Louis told us that story when I was there for your birthday. That is who he left you for? He talked about her as if she was such a ding bat ditz. What the hell! Why would he leave you for someone he made fun of like he did back in March?”

So I am thinking and thinking about his various comments over the past year when I realized, she turned her back on her faith. I remember more recent conversations in which he emphasizes “formerly religious” as if she has turned her back on her faith totally and completely. This would attract Louis as when he and I met he was all about how he was agnostic because while he believed in a higher power, he was not sure which religious group if any had the truth of the higher power. However, over the years, he became more and more atheistic. As time passed in our relationship, he began to put down and mock any religious group he came into contact with. In fact, his anti-religion got so bad that I had to put my foot down about not discussing religion because he would become out right offensive toward me for my own beliefs in God. As far as he was concerned all organized religion was just evil. He would disrespect my right to my own beliefs and hurt my feelings with his hatred of organized religion rather than be willing to accept that I had faith despite his constantly berating of my beliefs.

So of course when a good little Catholic girl gets dumped by her religious fiancée, he mocked it, then when she was easily led away from her faith into the non-belief side of religion, he would be there to guide her on the path to freedom from religious belief. This would also stroke his ego. He always liked to joke about how he could be a cult leader and get his cult to drink the cool-aid. I guess Sarah is his first cult follower.

Obviously, she has self-esteem issues over her fiancée leaving her, while Louis is getting his narcissistic tendencies stroked by her blindly following his guiding her away from religion. Sounds like a match made in heaven or is it hell? I don’t know but I don’t think this is a very healthy relationship in that she is obviously going after a married man just to make herself feel good about losing her fiancée. Does she think she can’t attract a man her own age? Did her fiancée leaving her make her so insecure that she can’t see herself having any chance other than a married man 15 years older than her? Damn that fiancée must have done a real number on her self-esteem.

 

Betrayed

August 17, 2017

Why do I find myself only writing when I am hurting and troubled?

On Friday July 28, 2017 my husband Louis started getting ready to go to work. It was a normal day in which we exchanged affectionate gestures before he left. The day before he had copped a feel on me in the kitchen, and the entire time I was constantly on the lookout for our 8 year old to interrupt us as young children seem to have a radar for when parents are sneaking little intimacies (he joked about this all the time).  It has been like this over the summer in that before he would go to work, we would kiss, hug, and even sneak little naughty gestures of intimacy when our children were not looking. While he was at work, I dealt with the AC/Heating repair gentleman because our house unit was not cooling properly. We were in contact during the time via text messages so I could keep him updated on the repair situation. Because I normally have to be up early in the mornings with the children, I got ready for bed at my normal time of 9:30pm and was lying in bed by 10pm. I usually rest while waiting to hear my husband arrive home from work which is normally any time between 10:35 to 10:50 pm. Some nights (in fact more often lately) he would come into the bedroom to see if I was asleep and to kiss me goodnight before he went to sit at his home laptop to wind down from his day of work. He would do this because I had told him previously that I normally wait to hear him arrive before I fully allow myself to fall asleep. Little did I know that as I drifted off to sleep that night that my husband was planning to wake me up and destroy my life with a shocking announcement.

At 3:08 am Saturday, July 29, 2017 my husband wakes me up to tell me he is very unhappy with our relationship. He says I do not “fulfill” him. He feels we are not compatible and have never been compatible. For 14 years and 2 months he has been unhappy. I am shocked, and can’t think. Not only am I still struggling to wake up, but I am listening to my husband announce that our relationship is completely over and that nothing I say or do will change it. He tells me I have no choice in the matter; he is done with our marriage. He wants to move on with his life and seek someone who might make him feel “fulfilled” which is something he claims he never felt in our entire 14 years of being together. He wants a chance to find happiness, and he says that surely I want to be happy too, as he does not believe I have been happy. I informed him that I was happy with our family and marriage, but that I am currently unhappy with myself because I am still struggling to lose the weight from my last pregnancy while trying to take care of our 22 months old daughter. He assures me that he is not leaving me for another but that he really just wants to have the opportunity to seek a chance of finding someone who might “fulfill” him. He hopes I will not make it difficult, but wants me to allow him to have reasonable visitation with our two young children. Unable to say much of anything due to the fog of shock I was cast into at that time, I cry.

He tells me he wants to live in our guest bedroom until he can afford to get a place of his own. He wants me and the girls to have the house. He knows I don’t have a full-time job, so while I look for full-time work he will continue to pay the bills on the house until I get a full-time job.  Once I get a full-time job, he will be able to afford his own place according to him, if I start paying the payments on the house mortgage. He also claims he understands it will take some time to find myself full time work.  I agree but tell him one thing is that until he moves out, no dating. I don’t believe in dating while still living together would be good for my sanity nor our children. I tell him it would set a bad example for our children, but I also tell him that because I still love him I would not be able to handle watching him date others in front of me. Thus until he moves out there will be no dating.

As he turns to leave our room, I notice our shotgun which usually hangs on the wall is missing. I ask him about it, and he informs me that he was concerned about my reaction so he took it down and hid it. I ask why he felt he could not trust me when I have never shown him reason to think I would harm him. He laughs and says it was just a precaution. He walks out of our bedroom to go to the guest room for the night.

Saturday, July 30, he wakes up earlier than usual and starts helping me fold and put away clothes when he never has wanted to help with house chores. I try to talk to him on the sly because I don’t want to fight with him in front of our 8 year old daughter. I weep and ask questions from time to time during the day. Most of the questions I am asking is along the lines of why did he not tell me sooner how he was feeling? Why wait 14 years? Surely he has not been miserable the entire 14 years as he claimed.

He constantly stands firm in an almost hateful but certainly very harsh manner as he tells me it is over, and he expects me to move on with my life and find happiness without him. During this time, any time I move near to him; he quickly moves away. He keeps avoiding being near me and keeps at least 5 foot distance from me at all times. He holds himself stiff and uncomfortable in my presence. He keeps telling me that I have done nothing wrong, but we are just not compatible. I do not fulfill him.

As it is Saturday, he works. Only he uses the excuse that he is working on some graphics art work for a work project contest as an excuse to leave 30 minutes earlier than usual. Then he does not come home at his usual time, but instead stays out over an hour and an half past his usual arrival time home. I get upset.  I sent him a text message that started off nice but got progressively more aggressive toward the end. It said, “Are you safe? Are you trying to worry/stress me out? Or are you really going to be this big of a fucking immature ass? At least have the curtsy to let the people who you still live in the same home know you’re okay if you are going to be so damn late.” When he finally came home, he said he was out in the parking lot shooting the bull with some co-worker guy. The guy offered him a place on his couch because supposedly Louis looked so upset at work that the guy felt maybe Louis needed a place to crash once knowing that Louis had broken off his marriage.”  (now I wonder if this is even true because Louis has been caught in several lies– Edit: most likely he was spending time with his co-worker girlfriend as I now have proof the girlfriend considers this to be the date of his and her anniversary together). Sarah post anniversary

I laid into him when he got home for being so late and putting me through worry. I explain we are still married and still living together in the same home thus out of respect he should have let me know he was going to be late so I would not worry.

Then we talked because I told him that I did not want him unhappy with our family. I asked all kinds of questions to try to understand why he was so unhappy. He never could pin point anything in particular. Just a general unhappiness that I do not “fulfill” him. He is unable to give specifics.

We move on to talking about our girls and how to handle the house, visitation, my not having a full time job (because he wanted me to cut my hours back at work in order to care for our children as he had a full-time job with benefits and my job was not full time with benefits) so I can’t support myself and the girls, etc. He wants me to stay in the house with the kids. He offers to continue paying our bills until such time as I am able to get back on my feet in order to be self-sufficient. I agree to all he proposes without arguing over any of it really because it seems like he is trying to be fair to me and the kids.

Again he reiterates that he just wants me to allow him visitation time with the kids. He explains he will move out but that he can’t right away because he does not have funds to get a place of his own yet. Furthermore, if he is going to continue to pay the house bills here for the girls and I, then he won’t be able to afford a place of his own until after he gets either a significant pay raise or the transfer to a new position that he is interested in (and supposedly the department for that position is seeking him specifically out in hopes of getting him to transfer to them when this position becomes available–whenever that is as no one seems to know). He wants to remain at the house for an indefinite amount of time and keep things pretty much the way things are except he will sleep in the guest bed and I in our king sized marriage bed. He wants to move out when he gets enough money together to allow him to move, but he talks like this could take many months. Again, I agree but I have one demand. No dating. Neither of us is to date anyone while we still live together as I would consider that cheating as long as we still live in the same home. The look on his face and the posture of his body immediately alerted me that I had indeed stumbled on the issue at that point.

He immediately did an about face on him the living in the house issue and decided he would go live with his friends KKBFF and Chris who are a couple he knows because KKBFF works with him at Navy Federal Credit Union. He wants to date and does not want to wait to seek his next soul mate or future whatever. At this point, I asked him again if there was someone else. He says no there is no one in particular, but he wants to be free.

He claims he just wants to date to seek someone who will “fulfill” him. Again he is not able to be more specific so we go around and around with him playing word games. We re-hash the terms and agreements that he is proposing regarding him getting time with the kids and taking care of us financially. All of which I am willing to agree with but I push the no dating issue.  I am not willing to allow either of us to date and do not want strangers coming in to the home around our girls. I explain this to him. He finally agrees that he will not date until he moves out. He makes a few text messages and tells me he will get with KKBFF the next day to discuss him staying with them until he can afford a place of his own.

Sunday, June 30th, he messages KKBFF when he gets up and arranges to meet with her at Sky Zone with her two boys and him bringing our daughter, Jasmine. He is supposed to discuss moving in with KKBFF and Chris until such time as he can get out on his own.

I let him know I will do my best to find full time work so that he does not need to stay there too long hopefully, but that I am concerned because I have been trying for full time work for years and nothing yet so far for me. Recently, I had a chance to apply for a full time position in my department, but when I mentioned it to him weeks before about the position in the department which was available, he said I should not apply because the position was “contract” work for 1 year only with no guarantee of renewal after the year. Before this breaking our marriage issue, he said it would not make sense to have me work full-time for such a job that was not secure nor permanent when he had secure and permanent work at Navy Federal. As we have never put our children in day care and always chose to work our work schedules opposite in order to be good parents, he would have to cut his hours back at Navy Federal if I took a full time position, and as it was not a secure job, his reasoning was that it would be stupid to give up a secure position with benefits on his part for me to work full-time–even though he constantly told me how he hates his job.

Around noonish, He goes off to Sky Zone with Jasmine and leaves Aurora with me. 2:14 pm,  I get a text message letting me know they are still at Sky Zone that reads, “Just a heads up. We are still fine and still at Skyzone.” I replied, “Thank you for letting me know.” At 3:54pm I get a message, “Jasmine wants to go for ice cream. That fine? She refilled on time several times and jumped herself into a headache.”

At this point, I feel like he is over doing it on the keeping me informed. I send him a message saying, “I am not trying to control you damn it. I just want to know you are safe when you should have normally been home. Last night you would’ve been home an hour an half earlier on a normal night. Today I know you are out having fun with her. That fun with her is open ended no schedule time to come home. Last night you were late and didn’t tell me anything. Do you not get the difference? Last night was not about controlling you. I am not my mother.  I don’t need to be in control of you and your time. I just needed to know you’re safe that everything was okay. He replies, “I understand but just making sure you know where I am with her. Over two hours later, he finally brings our daughter home.

He informs me that KKBFF and Chris are getting a new place to live around the 15th of August, so he needs to wait until then to move out of our home and into the home with KKBFF and Chris. I say “okay but just remember I don’t want any dating as long as you are still living here. It is disrespectful.” He needs to move out before dating as I don’t feel the relationship is over until he moves out plus I don’t want our girls exposed to a bunch of different strangers. I tell him I feel anyone who meets our girls should have been around a good while first so as to avoid hurting the girls.

We continue to talk and I tell him I feel he is leaving me for someone in particular who has caught his attention. I tell him how I trust he has not actually slept with her yet, but that all signs point to his having a particular person in mind for dating. He denies it at first. Eventually, after I present my factual observations of him and his behavior, he finally relents. I tell him that I noticed he had changed his appearance by trying to grow a goatee this past week. I tell him I understand his feelings of mortality after having to see an eye doctor over his blurry vision. I let him know that his face and body language spoke loudly and clearly when he made the abrupt change in when he planned to move out only after I insisted on the no dating. He finally admits there is someone he is interested in but that he has not done anything to act upon it. According to him, they have not kissed, held hands, nothing, he insists because he wanted to end our relationship first before seeking her out.

He insists that surely I have occasionally had thoughts of being with another. To which I let him know I have never in 14 years even noticed another guy because I have been way too in love with him. My whole focus has been riveted on him since the day I met him. He is shocked. I can tell from his face and body language that he had no clue that I was that focused on him as my mate/partner. His attitude is due to how he likes to claim I have an insatiable sex appetite—even to the point of calling me a nympho from time to time. I let him know that while I love sex, I can control myself and my urges because I deeply love him, so when I could not have him I used my battery operated toys without shame and always remained faithful even in my head and heart to him. My love for him was always more important that any physical sexual urges I might have because I always felt if a person truly loved someone then the person would not hurt the person they love by cheating–even emotional cheating. I have been known to joke that if there was such a thing as love at first sight, that I felt it for him when I first met him May 3, 2003. I then typically follow up with how I believe in “lust at first sight, but that love grows over time.” So no, I have never even looked at another since I met him on that beautiful May night, which is why it hurts so very badly that he waited 14 years to get bored with me, after I was so deeply, madly in love with him that I can’t even think of a future without him in it.

Monday, June 31st, I go to work in the morning. He is very distant from me. If I enter a room he keeps a huge distance from me. Avoids being too close to me. He tells me that he wants to go to see a movie that night with Chris and KKBFF, but wants to make sure I am okay with the girls for the night. I let him know I am okay and that I hope he enjoys the movie. He tells me it will be in the afternoon around 5ish.

I decide that I will get on Facebook messenger to contact my mother. I have not been in touch with her for over a year and a half but decided a few weeks before all this started that it is time to forgive her saying some totally mean stuff to Louis. So I tentatively reach out to her. I see I have some Facebook friend invites. Sarah B…….. sent me a friend invite back on July 1st but because I was avoiding my mother, I did not ever see the invite. KKBFF had just that morning sent an invite to me for friend request. I mention it to Louis. He tells me to ignore them that I don’t need to be involved with them. They are supposedly just some of his co-workers. I accept KKBFF’s invite and send her a message to let her know I was not ignoring her but that I don’t get on Facebook much lately so I missed when she sent it. I tried to send the Sarah person who also sent me an invite the same or similar message but find I cannot. Sarah has me blocked. I figure she got mad that I did not accept her invite at the first of the month.  I don’t worry about it.  He leaves around 5:20sih pm for the movie. I go back online to Facebook to see if mother has responded because I refuse to have Facebook messenger on my phone due to annoying little “ting” during the day every time someone sends a message.

I am surfing on the web and periodically checking back to Facebook messenger to see if mother got my message and responded when I notice a post by KKBFF. This post is congratulating her man for an award at work. She declares she is going to marry that man and tells him to get outside to get his lunch because she wants to go home. She posts this at 6:56 pm when they are supposed to be in a movie with Louis. I try to talk myself down from the upset feelings at realizing he might have lied to me about who he was with at the movie. I call my best friend Jenn because I am hopeful she will help me not see or read too much into this. After all surely this KKBFF could be texting during the movie, right? No. Jenn actually listened to me read the post then pointed out that it sounded like KKBFF was dropping off Chris’s lunch then going home which is not the movie theater. So I wait. And wait. Around 10:02 pm I text him “We need diapers for the baby. We’re out.” He responds, “Will get some on the way back.” I think surely he will be home soon then as he knows I need diapers. 12:30 rolls around and I get tired of waiting and stewing over his lying to me.

I call. He answers. He is saying something to someone in the back ground then informs me that he is at Whataburger and getting into the car to come home. I tell him I know he lied to me. I tell him I believe he is on a date. He denies it. I tell him I can prove he was not at the movies with KKBFF and Chris. He replies, “prove it.” I tell him about the post from KKBFF. He replies, “I am going to kill her.” He comes home and we fight because I accuse him of dating. He says it was not a date. They did not kiss. They just talked. I told him it was still a date which is something we agreed he would not do until he moved out. He maintains it was not a date. I tell him he needs to get out of the house right away that I am not tolerating his dating so soon after telling me our marriage is over.

I remind him that one thing sets me off quick and hard—a lie. He knows I have issues with people lying to me. The entire argument he maintains it was not a date but just two people getting together as friends. I call him a liar and a cheat. I accuse him of leaving me for another woman and that he can’t even wait 48 hours after breaking my heart before he is out with another woman.  I tell him that he is cheating as long as we still live in the house together. He feels it is not cheating because he told me that the relationship is over. I tell him that I am shocked by his lack of morals considering all these years he ragged on anyone who cheated on a spouse like this. During the argument he lets her name “Sarah” slip and I realize that she is the one who sent me a Facebook friend invite back at the first of July then sent me messages in middle of July, but because I was avoiding talking to certain family members on Facebook, I had not seen the invite nor messages due to not logging in for the month. He confirmed that yes his new girl is that Sarah B……. from the Facebook invite. Now her blocking me suddenly makes tons of sense. She is the other woman.

She is the woman he is leaving me in order for him to be with her. He eventually admits that Sarah was at Sky Zone when he went to meet KKBFF the day before, but he assures me that he did not know she was going to come to Sky Zone. She just showed up with KKBFF because Sarah and KKBFF are besties. Furthermore, he tells me that they barely spoke to one another and did not even give looks to one another because our daughter Jasmine was present at Sky Zone, and he was not there to meet up with Sarah but was there to talk to KKBFF about moving in with KKBFF and Chris.

Tuesday, August 1st, I go to work and by the time I come home he is getting ready for work. I have a few moments of heated discussion regarding his sudden lack of morals after all these years of making me believe he had morals which would never allow him to cheat on me or to break my heart like this. I remind him of all the times I told him I was worried he would get bored with me like he does all his “artistic” projects and move on but that he always reassured me that he loved me, so he would not become bored with me. He just wants to focus on the fact that our relationship is over while I am still trying to figure out how and why it ended. He tells me that I need to stop living in the past but to focus on the future. He is looking forward to the future and ignoring the past while I am too busy focusing on the past, he accuses. He tells me to go out meet new people and get laid. (Yes, he actually told me, his grieving wife, to go get laid!) He tells me to move on. He goes to work. When he comes home, I am still trying to get answers from him over this break up of our marriage. I get nowhere with him using word games to create verbal sleight of hand to avoid any discoveries I might would make in trying to figure out what happened to end my marriage.

Wednesday, August 2 is similar in that I go teach then try to hit the gym for a short bit. By the time, I return home he is getting ready to walk out the door. I won’t see him until much later. While fixing dinner for our 8 year old, she tells me that she is sad that daddy is moving out. She does not want him to move out. I explain that I don’t want him to move either but that he no longer wants to be with mommy that he now wants to be with Ms Sarah. Jasmine excitedly tells me that Ms Sarah is fun. That she went with Jasmine and Louis to have ice cream after leaving Sky Zone. Then she gets a lower worried voice when she says, “I am sorry mommy. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that because it might hurt your feelings.” I am like, “What! Who told you to keep a secret from me?” Turns out Louis told Jasmine not to talk to me about Sarah whom Jasmine not only was introduced to at Sky Zone but then Sarah played with my child at Sky Zone and went to have ice cream afterward. However, the friend KKBFF who he was supposed to meet at Sky Zone did not go with Louis, Jasmine, and Sarah for the ice cream.  It was just him and his girlfriend with our daughter!  Yet when he admitted in a previous discussion that Sarah was at Sky Zone he made it sound like she did not interact with him hardly at all nor did he indicate that he had introduced his home wrecker to our child. I get pissed and text him to let him know I know how he asked Jasmine to keep a secret from me—her mommy. How dare he! I pack the girls up and head to his mother’s house in Mossy Head for the night. I am angry. How dare he ask my child to keep secrets from me.

I have not been sleeping hardly at all since the first night he dropped this bomb shell on me. I am either crying or have crazy thoughts running through my head demanding to know what the hell has happened to me and my marriage that I thought was so very good lately. We hardly ever argued. Since we moved to the house we are buying back in 2012 we have only fought over what was best for our daughter and even then not much fighting really just more a heated discussion over Jasmine’s bed times and screen time. He does not like me limiting her screen time nor making her go to bed early for school times. So since I am not sleeping, I keep thinking of how we never fought any more. All our fighting was done before we moved into this home we are purchasing.

We did not even really fight when we found out we were expecting a second child unexpectedly. We had some tense weeks because he wanted me to abort Aurora rather than go through with the pregnancy. He made it clear that while it was my body and my choice, he did not feel a need for another child and he did not want me going through such a hardship at my age for fear of my health. He was advocating termination in a round about way but claiming he would be willing to accept my decision. Even then we did not really fight over it. He made me feel he wanted me to abort the pregnancy but deep down I did not want to do it so I told him I would not do it after the pregnancy advanced past the 8th week unless there turned out to be something wrong with the baby or my health during the early health testing.  So if we did not fight over such a rough and unexpected issue then what the hell happened to make him suddenly decide he wanted a divorce?

I mean we lived together for years before we got married even though he called me his wife for 12 of those years while we were not married. We had two children before we got married. Now we have been legally married for only year, and he suddenly is so very unhappy that he claims he has been unhappy for the entire 14 years? I did not even ask him to marry me. He suggested us getting married last year! My head won’t stop thinking about how is this possible that he just suddenly decides to leave the family? So I get very little sleep. I drive home in the wee hours while leaving our girls at his parent’s house where I know they will not be exposed to the massive fight that I know we are about to have because HOW DARE HE ASK OUR CHILD TO KEEP A SECRET FROM ME! This one thing has broken me. I hate him for his lies but mostly I hate that he dared to involve our daughter when he keeps telling me to calm down and stop being upset over the ending of our marriage because we need to “remain friends for the kid’s sake.”

Yeah. Friends. Right. As if I could ever trust him again now. Not only did he lie to me but he introduced our child to his new girlfriend less than 24 hours after telling me he wants a divorce. Then asked our child to keep it secret from me. Yep this is going to be the argument to end all right now.

sarah homewrecker

 

 

 

Divorce, Suicide, and the broken family values

February 1, 2011

I believe a person can be driven to suicide. I believe harassment or lies can hurt someone to the point they would take their own life. Statics say 90% of suicides are from long term depression and mental illness. So what about that other 10%? Bullying and divorce account for some of that 10% according to my online research. I have lots of links to research showing how it affects men when women lie during a divorce just to take the child from the father. What women need to realize is that once you have a child with a man, you always have a connection to that man whether you want to continue that connection or not. It is not right nor fair to try to take the child from the father just because you don’t like him anymore. He is the child’s father and you have to learn to share the child if you don’t plan to stay with the father.

My brother’s story. Chip was not only happy but wanted everyone around him happy; until his wife not only cheated on him but told lies to take their daughter away from him. Let me make one point clear here about Chip. He was not depressed nor did he suffer from mental illness. In a mere four days, his life, as he knew it, completely unraveled to become intolerable to him.

About 2-3 months before his death, his wife told him that she went on a few dates with a guy she knew from her SLU classes and admitted it to Chip. At that time, she claimed she wanted to work on their marriage and relationship. She claimed she loved him and wanted their marriage. She led him to believe nothing happened other than two lunch dates and that it was over. He told me how he forgave it, and they agreed to work on the marriage. Later she tells her family that she made it up because she had to tell Chip something about why she was acting the way she was and he would not stop harassing her until she admitted to something.  However, what I have pieced together from what he told me, our mother, our sister, and from what his friends witnessed in behavior from him and her when they were around, it is a totally different story.

He tried to make her happy while she just complained how depressed she was and how she wanted to hurt herself. She even wrote in her school notebooks about being depressed and wanting to hurt herself. He tried to convince her to see a therapist rather than just getting Lexapro from her general doctor who is known for writing prescriptions too easily. He had her agreeing to see a therapist at one point but she went to visit her mother and returned to Chip in a bad mood. He told me how she was repeating things her mother told her about how her depression was not a sign that she needed a new medication but that the depression was a symptom of being unhappy with Chip.

Less than a month before his death, one of the ball players on their co-ed ball team told Chip that Sarah was cheating on him with Nick-one of the other team members and that everyone in the dug-out knew. Chip confronted Sarah who denied it. He believed her.

Friday, October 29th, she told him she loved him and wanted to go out for dinner (a few days before she told him in front of another friend that she wanted to go home and make love with Chip-they had not been having husband-wife relations because they were “working” on their marriage). He wanted to make it a nice dinner so he asked our parents if he could help around the farm for a bit of extra cash to take his wife out to dinner. While he was working hard to make a bit of spending money to take her out on a special dinner date, Sarah was supposed to be at SLU in classes and working her graduate assistant job on campus. Later he found out she went to visit her mom at work. After visiting with her mom at work, Sarah shows up with police at their home to take their child (Ellie) away while having Chip served with an order of protection claiming he had been abusing her for months and that he had even raped her. She claimed, he would not let her out of the house so she had been trying to leave him for over a month and could not. The order of protection and officers serving it, let her take Ellie with no proof of such abuse. The court date was set for the following Thurs Nov 4. Chip would not be allowed to see his child until after he proved he was not abusing Sarah. She was not required to prove abuse but he was required to prove there was no abuse.

She texted him just hours before she showed up with the police to take the child. He showed the texts to the officers who came with her to take their child from him using an order of protection that she obtained by lying on the paperwork-saying he held her hostage, abused her, and raped her. The texts said she missed him and loved him and was on her way home. She sent so many mixed signals that he felt she was in need of a real therapist. On Saturday October 30th we spoke on the phone; he told me how he wanted to insist on therapy in hopes of saving his marriage when he went to court to fight the charges against him. He said if after therapy, she still wanted a divorce then fine but he felt she needed therapy as her mind was being too wishy-washy. He was concerned she was being manipulated by her mother who hated him. He wanted Sarah to decide not her mother.

Once their co-ed team and other friends heard she was claiming abuse, they all started coming forward to tell Chip that she was still messing around with Nick. One told him she had admitted to having sex with Nick. Another told him how she used his house to meet up with Nick and do drugs. All of his friends witnessed her loving and kissing on Chip in public during the time she claimed he was abusing her. Several of them recalled visits to Chip and Sarah’s home, and how she would lay in bed complaining while Chip would have to take care of Ellie-getting her ready for kindergarten and taking her to school. I was told after his death how all the teachers and staff at Ellie’s school thought he was a great father who was always there for his child dropping her off and picking her up from school when needed-even picking her up early when she had an accident at school.

On Nov 1, Chip confronted Nick, and Nick denied about having relations with Sarah. Chip believed him (Chip so wanted to believe it was not another man but that Sarah’s depression was out of control and her mother was using it to break them up). It was well known by Chip and his family that Sarah’s mother did not like Chip.

Monday night Nov 1 another friend on the team showed Chip a video of Sarah and Nick. Nick was rubbing on Sarah in an intimate manner in front of their child. He saw the video just hours after confronting Nick who denied the affair. Someone stayed with Chip that night because his friends could tell he was upset after seeing the video. After all, he had believed Nick and Sarah when they denied the affair. Partly because he wanted to believe it, but partly because it was not the first time accusations of an affair had arisen in their marriage-friends when they were first married had tried to break them up with accusations of him cheating when he had not cheated so he thought maybe someone was trying to break them up again as previously. Thus he believed Nick and Sarah when they denied the accusations only to have video proof of the affair shown to him. It destroyed him.

The morning of his suicide, Chip received a phone call from Sarah’s dad demanding junk from him that she “left” at their home. Her dad used this phone call as a opportunity to hurt Chip by telling him things like “you don’t have a family” and “Sarah no longer loves you”. Chip told his family about the phone call from Sarah’s dad because it upset him. I saw what was left at their home and there was little to nothing of Sarah’s things left there. A few old dirty clothes and some storage chests which were mostly empty. They took his child and kicked him even further with their insensitive words. Personally I feel the phone call was just an opportunity to hurt Chip with the words, “you don’t have a family” because there was nothing there to warrant a phone call to Chip when Chip was under the order of protection so he was not allowed to call or contact Sarah or his child in any manner.

The morning of Nov 2 Chip made an excuse to our parents for going horse back riding. Got away from everyone; broke into our parent’s to get a gun. Went back to his house; sat on the floor with his wedding pictures and prom pictures with Sarah. Put the gun in his mouth and shot himself. He left a note but the note was not found until the next day on top of the cabinets up high. I suspect he was planning it all during the night as he mentions the video in the note and how Sarah and Nick both lied to his face about them cheating on him. He was willing to fight for his family when he thought it was Sarah’s depression out of control. He could not handle the truth. She was cheating with someone he had called friend.

She was so under handed that she gave him no notice that she was leaving because she kept up the pretense of loving him and wanting him up until the last moment when she had him served with papers. Text messages to him of her love plus his friends verified that she gave no indication of her intent to leave him. Thus he was completely blind sided by the order of protection claiming he was abusing her. He had no indication of what she was about to do because she continued to play the loving wife openly while cheating secretly.

It has been very difficult and my family blames Sarah for her part in the lies she told. She wanted to leave him but she wanted make it look like her leaving was his fault by saying he was abusing her when he was not. His wife had been telling lies to people at college/work about him for a year (found out this after he shot himself). She told her boss that Chip made her late to work or made her miss work. The truth was she would not get out of bed (friends even witnessed her refusal to get out of bed when visiting).

He had witnesses who were going to testify on his behalf that she never did housework (Chip did all the housework), she stayed in bed all day of her own free will complaining how she did not feel good, and she would kiss and hug him in public of her own free will. She would initiate the public displays of affection all during the time she was telling lies about how he abused her to her boss and friends at work/college. Plus no one had seen a single bruise on her all during the HOT months when she is known for wearing shorts and skimpy clothes. She did not want to admit she was leaving him for another man so she made up lies about my brother so she could take their child away from him while justifying to her family why she was leaving her husband.

Sarah did not come to his funeral. In fact it is reported by friends that she was at classes and went to work on the day of his funeral services. Her mother told my sister that they did not tell Ellie that her father is dead nor will they tell her that her father is dead because they feel 5 years is too young to understand such. They refuse to allow any of Chip’s family to see Ellie. My parents had to sue for Grandparent’s rights for visitation now. When they finally got to see Ellie, she made comments regarding “her daddy” which upset my mother because it shows someone (either Sarah or her family) told Ellie mean stuff about her daddy. She said at one point that her daddy is in Hell and then came back later to say her daddy had to be in heaven. How dare they continue to badmouth an innocent dead man just because Sarah refuses to admit to her family the truth. Chip never abused her. Her father was even caught telling someone at Ellie’s school that Chip abused his wife. A friend of our family over heard and went off on the Mr Patrick Leemans for the lies against Chip.

Sarah even admitted to one of my cousins that Chip never abused her. My cousin writes, As for the restraining order. I spoke with her and asked what happened. It is not at all what everyone has told me. What he did scared her, she never said he beat her or anything like that but he did keep her from leaving the house b/c he didn’t want her to leave him.“ First, this cousin was never Chip’s friend and only became Sarah’s friend after his death. So this cousin did not even really know Chip and Sarah before all this happened but because she is willing to listen to Sarah’s lies and believe them, Sarah is willing to befriend her. Second, witnesses who visited the house can attest to the fact that Sarah would not get out of bed to even go to work or school some days. She would complain she felt bad while Chip would tell her she needed to get up or she would be late. Third, Sarah was in school and had a job, Chip could not keep her from either of those and did not try-she tried to tell people he was the reason she was late for work or school but the truth was she would not get up out of bed. He admitted to me that the only time he stopped her from leaving the house was during a fight they had. He told me how he made her wait to calm down because she was so upset and trying to leave in a vehicle while upset. He would not let her leave that time while upset because he was concerned she would hurt herself or Ellie while driving especially considering she kept writing about killing herself in her school notebooks-notebooks by the way that she left behind which are in her hand writing. He showed those notebooks to my mother and my sister. In one of them I am told she even wrote about wanting to have an accident on the way home from school so she could die. He told me that time was the only time he stopped her but that he had to physically pick her up and take her into the house to stop her from driving while upset. She not only blew the incident up out of proportion but she added to it saying he raped her in her request for an order of protection over a month after the fight occurred.

My husband has kept me from driving while upset before too. I know he did it out of concern for my well being and his mental health as he would never forgive himself if I got into an accident while driving after a fight. It does not mean I was not angry with him at the time it happened, it just means I am not going to lie and claim it was something other than what it was-his way of stopping me from leaving while upset was physically restraining me from leaving. That is not abuse. That is part of being married and in a relationship where occasionally the couple fights. After she calmed down and they stopped fighting, she was allowed to leave. After all it was over a month before she filed for the order of protection during which time she was going around town shopping, visiting her mother, work, school, and other places all after the fight in which he supposedly “scared her” for daring to stop her from leaving during a fight.

I also have known Sarah for the 5 years that they were together, and while I might not know her as a best friend, I do know she is a wimp of the first degree. She is one of THOSE women that every little thing is an event for her to complain about. If her husband, my brother, had ever dared to really hurt her, she would have been yelling it to the police the moment it happened, not a month afterward. Anyone who knows her knows I am telling the truth in that she is the biggest adult baby always crying over any perceived little insult. I use to excuse her as being just very sensitive but now I realize she is just really selfish and uses the crying to get her way and make people feel sorry for her. There is no way my brother ever hit her without her going absolutely freaking nuts over it immediately. Beyond the fact that he was not the type to ever hit a woman and was raised to protect women, she is just too much a cry baby to have ever allowed him to hit her even once without her running to scream it to the world immediately. So yes her story stinks of lies to anyone who knows this woman.

Sarah lied and took his child from him. Her family believing her lies tormented him by telling him things like he “no longer had a family”. We can not even press charges on Sarah or her family for the lies she told and the harassment they inflicted on my brother. Ultimately my brother did chose the quick way out instead of fighting for his child and rights as a father. However, I feel Sarah should be charged for making false accusations as she did. Maybe if she had a record for lying then she would not be allowed to get away with it next time with her next failed marriage and husband. Unfortunately the courts won’t do a thing about women who lie to get custody and hurt the spouses. I am working to change laws which will start holding women accountable for proving abuse before custody is taken from the father. These laws will hold women accountable for paying fines and paying the husband’s court cost should it be proven the woman is lying simply to gain custody battle upper hand. New Jersey is the first state to have such a law on the books. Others will see the light once it is known that 80% of all Domestic Abuse claims in divorce are false for the simple reason that the woman wants custody.

Courts are already stressed with more than they can handle. What the court does not take into account is that if someone who makes frivolous claims was held accountable then it would cut down the frivolous claims thus cutting down some of the work load of the court. If a person could not prove the claim then they would be fined for having made the claim in the first place. How many would think before claiming abuse then?

I am a woman’s rights activist who is very grateful for women like my hero Elizabeth Cady Stanton. However, woman’s rights should not mean taking a man’s rights away. There is a middle ground. That middle ground needs to be governed by common sense which our courts need to exercise. Claims in all other court cases require proof of the claim. Woman’s rights groups would have us believe that all men are evil but statistics show that women are the most likely to be abusive while men tend not to report the abuse. Thus it stands to reason that women who make frivolous claims should be held accountable by the courts in the interest of both justice and equal rights.

It is estimated 80% of domestic abuse claims in a divorce situation is false. Meaning 80% of women getting a divorce claim abuse in order to obtain sole or primary custody of the children thus granting the woman child support and sometimes alimony. Many attorneys have even admitted to pressuring women to claim domestic abuse in order to get the upper hand in the divorce. One woman started a yahoo group claiming that she made her husband her “slave” because he was required to financially support her and the children without having rights for himself with his children.

When women like Sarah make false claims of abuse just to take the children away, it becomes harder for the real abuse victims to get the help they need because people don’t believe the abuse is real after seeing so many false claims.