I saw this meme on Facebook today and thought how true. A real Christian woman tells the married man to go home to his wife and kids. The fake and hypocritical Christian pays for the man to get divorced from his wife and then tries to play momma to another woman’s children. God and Karma. I believe in both.
So tonight the girls are back with me. Frankly I despise the 50/50 thing; I don’t feel it is always in the best interest of the children.
Tonight, my youngest whimpered and cried at bed time. When I asked her what is wrong, she said, she wanted to suck her thumb. I asked her why she felt she could not. She said because SARAH said something about her needing to stop sucking her thumb and said something about her teeth. Sarah made her feel bad.
Um excuse me?
When did Sarah become mom? Sarah is the homewrecker. The destroyer of a family for her own selfishness. I don’t hold my ex-husband blameless in the family falling apart. In fact he is completely just as selfish and guilty. He lied to me. He lied to Sarah. He made promises that he broke. However, the point here is not about the past but the future. The children that are MY children and HIS children. Sarah needs to know her place.
She is not mom. WE have been through this before. Two years ago when THEY decided to potty train the baby. It was not their right to decide behind my back that it was time to potty train. That was a discussion he should have had with me. That was a decision he should have made with me–not behind my back with Sarah.
Pre-homewrecker, I potty trained the oldest by myself after discussions with him. He wanted no part of it. In fact, his attitude was that if the child was a boy it would have been on him to potty train, but because our child was a girl it did not feel “right” for him to be the one potty training her. He left me to do all the work on potty training our oldest child. I found a way to potty her that was loving and not shameful nor traumatic and maintained proper modesty.
Then post-homewrecker, while I was forced to go out of town for a work training, he and homewrecker decided to use a method of potty training where the child ran around the house completely naked during the week while I was gone. He decided without talking to me that our child would not attend the daycare during that week, so that he and Sarah could potty train our youngest at home. Um that was a bit of a fight between him and I then. I was pissed and rightfully so. I never let our oldest run around completely naked during potty training. I put her in dresses to make it easier to potty train but she was covered to maintain modesty. More importantly, he did not have the right to make a major decision like that regarding our child without discussion between him and I–but he likes to be sneaky and do shit behind my back.
He can claim, “it’s his home” all he likes but these children are MY children with him. Not his children with her. Thus legally all major decisions made regarding our children should be made during a discussion with him and I, where she gets NO input or say in the matter. If he and I can’t agree, then we are required to get a mediator and/or take the matter before a judge.
Therefore, it is not Sarah’s place to decide to say anything to a child that is MY child and HIS child, but not her child, regarding something like thumb sucking, potty training, etc. Before deciding to try to break a thumb sucking habit, he should have discussed it with me, and we should have decided a plan of parenting around that issue together–him and I. Consistency is important with children.
One set of rules at one home and a different set of rules at the other house harms the children mentally and emotionally. Only he doesn’t want me having a say because I am not allowed to have any control over MY children when they are at his home–that’s his attitude. Um that is not in the best interest of the children and NOT even the way this co-parenting shit works–legally.
I am sure he does not remember how I broke our oldest child’s finger sucking, but it never included shaming her. It was done quietly in a manner that never made our oldest child feel bad for sucking her fingers. In fact, recently I reminded someone in my family of this very fact not too long ago when that person dared to say some thing to Baby A recently about her thumb sucking. I reminded someone in my family recently of how J sucked her fingers and I had a very effective and painless way to deal with the finger/thumb sucking when I–the parent–was ready to deal with it.
My baby child whimpered and cried tonight because Sarah said something to shame her about her sucking her thumb. Not Sarah’s right. Not Sarah’s place. She needs to get in her lane and stay in her lane. She likes controlling and taking over MY home, My family, My lane way too much.
NOT Sarah’s place to make decisions regarding MY children. Not Sarah’s place to discuss things with him regarding our children or how the children are raised without ME–the mother–being a part of the discussion and plan. It dang sure is not her place to shame my child for any reason.
I got fixed because HE didn’t want more children. He also did not want to risk “some doctor cutting him down there and making ‘it’ not work anymore” so I had to be the one to get cut up to prevent further pregnancy. Now, despite the fact I would have loved more children, I can’t have more. She is young and intact. He can get her pregnant and give her children of her own that him and her can raise together and make all the decisions they want together. However my children are not her children for her to make those decisions.
She has done enough damage to my children by destroying the children’s family and forcing the children to bounce back and forth between “mommy’s house” and “daddy’s house”.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LANE HOMEWRECKER.
Update: He called to discuss the issue, and rather than argue with him, I accepted his lies. He lies so very much. He thinks I am stupid and don’t realize when he lies. ugg. He claims Sarah never told our child that she could not suck her thumb. Our child just magically out of the blue started asking if she could suck her thumb, so they are gently encouraging her not to suck her thumb. He lied to his mom all the time when we were together, and I watched and learned. I know when he lies. ugg. How did I ever fall for his bull shit.
My youngest daughter was 22 months old when her father decided he wanted a divorce so he could be with his 21 year old Homewrecker that he met at work. Three years later, our child tells me that she wants mommy, daddy, and Sarah all to live together in one home.
In the beginning, right after the divorce, our youngest would cry when daddy would pick her up to take the kids to his house for his parenting time. Daddy didn’t want her when she was born and never bonded with her during that first two years.
It wasn’t until he decided to have an affair and get a divorce, that he suddenly decided to fight for 50/50 time with our children—after his attorney informed him that child support in Florida is based on a formula of over-night count plus parent paycheck. His attorney informed him no judge would give him 50/50 over-night time if he was working nights, so Louis immediately changed his schedule to days when he had refused to work day shift previously. He wants to pay as little child support as he can possibly pay. When his affair first started, before divorce was even filed, Louis moved out of the family home not because I forced him to move out, but because he chose to move out when I told him that there would be no dating other people while living in the house together. He wanted to be with Sarah Broaddus so badly, he basically abandoned his family and his home. It wasn’t until they (I say “they” on purpose because she paid for it—see previous posts for picture proof) decided to file for divorce that he decided to move back into the family home so he could fight to keep the house despite the fact he promised that I could stay in the house and raise our kids there. It all came down to he didn’t wanna pay child support, he didn’t wanna provide the family he was abandoning a home, and he wanted to be with a home wrecking tramp.
So now fast forward three years, Sarah doesn’t want to be seen as a homewrecker. So they tell our children that Sarah is not the reason mommy and daddy are divorced. They tell our children that Sarah loves mommy. Now my child cries when I have my nightly video chat during daddy’s week to say good night because she wants mommy to hug and cuddle her at night, then she insists mommy, daddy, and Sarah all need to live together. My youngest child informs me that Sarah loves mommy and we should all live in one house as one big family.
I don’t think Sarah‘s precious Catholic religion would go for that considering she is the interloper in the family. Louis and Sarah can lie all they want but the truth is that he had no intentions of getting a divorce until Sarah came along. He likes to claim he’s just such “a good actor” whenever I ask how is it that I never saw it coming because I thought our marriage was based on true love, and his affair came completely out of left field. I believed our marriage was stable. Her friend once informed me about how Sarah told Louis she wouldn’t date a married man and that he had to get a divorce. Only Sarah doesn’t seem to understand that a good Christian doesn’t say, “you have to get a divorce”. No, a good Christian woman tells a man, “I don’t date married men, go home to your wife and children.”
So when our child says she wants all of us to live together, I don’t think Sarah would be too happy with that particular scenario. Sarah is the one who doesn’t really belong.
So evidently the Catholic church thinks it is allowed to nullify a marriage that was not done in the Catholic Church between two non-Catholics. Furthermore, it gets to do it for a non-Catholic who is a self admitted non-believer. Finally, the Catholic Church does it for the benefit of one of their members who wants to marry the self-admitted Non-believer despite the fact that, YES, the marriage did happen. Yes, the Catholic girl did cause the marriage to fall apart. The Catholic girl paid for the divorce just so she would be able to claim her man is free and not married.
So basically who gave the Catholic church this power to declare my marriage which produced TWO children is invalid? By what power do they have the power to declare the marriage null? God’s power. Because Marriage is sacred. Um yeah it is so why did a Catholic girl get to destroy my marriage?
Yes, I have been marred twice. The first marriage was a year long and produced no children. In fact, I miscarried during that marriage. I was not “blessed by God” with children during that marriage.
My second marriage was blessed with not one but two children–despite the fact that on the second child I was actively preventing conception–we were blessed with a second child that I honestly am surprised I carried to full term. The first child was a miracle, let alone the second child carrying to full term because of my previous 5 miscarriages. With our oldest we did not tell our family I was pregnant until 17 weeks because we did not think I would carry full term, as I had several miscarriages before our first child carried full-term. I have always said that GOD blessed me with my first child because I prayed for her and wanted her so very badly. My second child I dedicated to GOD because he made her perfect, not me.
Then the second pregnancy (after 6 miscarriages) and birth was a MIRACLE! I said that to people. GOD blessed me with my baby girl unexpectedly because I was not actively trying to get pregnant, but instead was actively trying to prevent because Louis didn’t want more children (even though he refused to get fixed). When I carried full term with the second pregnancy without expecting to even be pregnant–I prayed. I prayed GOD please let this child be healthy because the father, Louis, did not want to have her. In FACT, the father, Louis, wanted me to have an abortion and terminate the pregnancy. I refused the option of abortion unless the child was not healthy.
PROOF that my marriage and pregnancy was GOD ORDAINED is that when I prayed, GOD answered that prayer by having the amniocentesis numbers come back according to the doctors as “the most perfect numbers ever seen” thus showing my pregnancy was indeed ordained by GOD and that this pregnancy was meant for by GOD. I even promised GOD I would raise her in his name and praise him if he allowed this pregnancy to be a healthy pregnancy. Hence, despite the fact that my ex-husband does not believe and did not want me taking our girls to church, I started attending Hillcrest Church for the simple fact that I promised GOD that my youngest was his miracle. Thus, YES, my marriage was ordained by GOD despite what the Catholic church and the the little tramp-homewrecker wants to claim.
So by what right does the Catholic church think it is okay to nullify the second marriage when neither marriage occurred in the Catholic Church. Both marriages were legal by the state in which they occurred. Both marriages were dissolved by divorce in the state in which the marriage occurred. No wonder people have begun to hate the Catholic religion–they are full of themselves and think it is okay to declare anything they want to the benefit of the Church and the Church’s members, never-mind the reality or the truth.
A truth! I was married LEGALLY to Louis J Crochet. We have two children. Sarah Nicole Broaddus destroyed that marriage, and now we are divorced. It was a divorce caused by her. Not null. Not void. Very real marriage. I got the paperwork to prove it. Both the legal marriage certificate and the divorce paperwork. AND I have two beautiful children to prove GOD wanted us married and the homewrecker destroyed GOD’s will. This has nothing to do with the Catholic Church which is evidently becoming a corrupt false religion. GOD’s will was done in my life; not her church.
She wants to be married in the Church to a man who just today admitted he doesn’t believe in God. He admitted he is still, today a non-believer. I believe in GOD; he does not.
So Louis told me back in July to cancel the appointment we had for our oldest child to be tested for ADHD by a neuropsychology specialist that our pediatrician referred us to see because our child’s school did a parent and teacher questionnaire regarding her behaviors in the classroom and at home. The parent/teacher questionnaire came back showing the teacher marking her as ADHD; however, my part of the questionnaire that I filled out showed ADD. The pediatrician felt that the school assessment is rather subjective not objective enough and so she referred us to a specialist who does testing for this sort of thing. Only the insurance via NFCU does not consider it “medically necessary” thus the insurance wants us to pay out of our own pocket for the testing. It was going to cost us $980.00 for the 3 appointments (2 for testing and 1 for follow up) back in July/August. Our appointment was for July 31 and August 2.
Why did Louis want it canceled? Because we did not have that much cash on hand nor have a credit card to pay for such an expense. We could not afford it at the time, and I agreed on the condition that we use some of our 2017 tax return to pay for the testing.
Yet, he had enough to pay for him and his girl friend to have tickets for her favorite comedian. He bought the tickets ($275) back on August 6, 2017 before he even moved out of the house on August 9th. He used the money in his personal account because he seems to think that is HIS money separate from me despite the fact that that is where our JOINT tax return refund was e-deposited, thus making it OUR money plus the fact that we were still legally married and living together at the time.
Furthermore, for his girlfriend’s birthday at the end of October/first of November, he took Sarah on a nice trip to New Orleans (interesting mostly because he seems to be reliving our first date with her).
Finally, he took out a credit card at the end of August because he decided he needed to build his credit up some more and he could use it to pay for our children’s birthdays in August and September. Now this is after 14 years of him refusing to build his credit up with a credit card because “everyone” he knows who got credit cards “got into trouble” by using them when it was not necessary to use them. Furthermore, he did not have the card in time to pay for our oldest daughter’s birthday at the end of August as it was still in the mail and did not arrive in time. Yet, somehow he ran up his credit card to its max at $3.490.00 in the 4.5 months that he was not living with the kids and I at the family home.
So as this nightmare separation and divorce has continued, I pushed for our oldest daughter to get therapy to help her deal with the divorce and daddy leaving mommy. Only he says he can’t afford the therapy cost. His insurance pays for all but $20 of the therapy each session. Once a week, $20 a week,for his child to have a therapist to help her deal with daddy leaving mommy is too much?
I had a written agreement from him saying he would not further introduce new people without my knowledge and permission to the children. I also agreed to not introduce new people to the children without his permission. Later I told him I understood that I may not be able to ever agree to his new girlfriend, Sarah, being around our kids because I am hurt and angry over her being the homewrecker girlfriend. If he and her had waited until the divorce was done before they started their relationship then I might not be so angry and bitter but because basically they were flirting around before he told me that he wanted a divorce and because he basically decided he wanted a divorce just so he could date her openly, I feel he and her did things wrong in how he ended our marriage. I resent her and him for the hurt they have caused me repeatedly over the past few months with leaving notes and texts (almost as if they can’t help shoving their relationship in my face), thus I told him I wanted to put our oldest child in therapy to not only help our child understand and deal with the divorce but also so that the therapist could let us know when our 9 year old was accepting of the divorce to the point that a new girlfriend could be introduced to the children.
After he decided to file for divorce papers, he decided that the agreement we had was not something he had to follow, even though he was the one who typed it up and we both agreed and signed it on August 3, 2017. So he has been taking the kids to spend entire days with him and his girlfriend doing fun stuff every other week during “his” week time with the kids. He is doing this against our original agreement, against my wishes as the other parent, and without being willing to pay for therapy.
He did not want to spend the money on the therapy for our oldest child! I am having to find a way to get our child the therapy she needs, and I will have to pay for her to have the needed testing for her educational needs.
Our child came home with an F on her report card. The school sent another questionnaire home and it came back with this year’s teacher scoring her as ADD and myself scoring her as ADD. Now the Neuropsycholigist is no longer considered “in network” with our insurance so the price has gone up to $1200 for the testing for our child. He does not WANT to pay for his share of the costs for our child.
Yet, he has the money to spend his yearly bonus that he just got in January on things like a new Nintendo Switch (for him and Jasmine because according to him, he figures I am going to take the PS3 with me when I move out and he wants something for him and Jasmine to play with after I move out). Also, he has the money to spend for a hotel room every other week or so in order that he and his girlfriend have a place to go have sex (after all he lives with the kids and I, she lives with her daddy, and the BFF kicked them out so as not to continue to enable their relationship which has progressed at a super fast speed before he is even divorced). He has the money to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring (black with silver accents on the band and a solitaire on top with pink stones on the sides of the solitaire–it got described to me in detail) and other gifts. But he does not have the money for OUR child to have testing done which may help her with her educational needs nor does he have the money to help pay for our child to have therapy for the angst and pain HE and HIS girlfriend have caused our family.
It seems to me that he has the money for things he wants but not for things our children need. He keeps claiming he is putting our children first, yet he won’t pay for things our children really do need.
He keeps harping on how he is not doing anything wrong and that he has not done anything to hurt our children mentally nor emotionally. Thus he justifies his spending HIS money how he wishes on items that are his and his girlfriend’s wants not family needs.
I find this phrase ironic and funny. The state wants what is in the best interests of the children supposedly, yet the state allows a cheating husband to take the children to visit his family only an hour away in the same state, but the faithful wife is not allowed to take the children 3.5 hours away to visit her family because it is another state. The cheating husband has a local support system while the faithful wife has no local support system. So let’s not only force the wife to stay in a miserable situation but give the cheating husband all the power by allowing him to be in control.
Then there is the cheating husband’s claim that he is putting the children first. Umm no you are not. Forcing our children to meet your homewrecker girlfriend on a regular basis because you want them to develop a relationship when you are not even divorced yet, is not in the best interests of the children when one of the children is still struggling to understand what it means when mommy and daddy are still living in the same house but getting a divorce.
Our 9 year old drew a picture Thursday morning before school.
Notice the “mommy” and “daddy” are together and even appear to be holding hands. Our 9 year old wants this picture to be real. She told me on the way to drop her off at school that she wishes magic was real because she would wish for her family to be happy together. How does a mother explain or deal with this?
I have to be careful what I say to her because the courts don’t want parents bad mouthing one another and even though it is the truth to tell her that daddy does not want mommy anymore that daddy wants Sarah now. Sarah and Louis consider this badmouthing them.
Sarah and Louis want to believe that they have done nothing wrong, yet they want to hide the truth of how they came to be a couple. If one has to hide or lie about something then perhaps one should rethink whether what one is doing is the “right” thing to do? Sarah and Louis just want everyone to blindly accept they met at work and fell in love while ignoring how they broke up a 14 year relationship with 2 children in order to “fall in love” working at NFCU. They want to ignore how he was still having intimate marital relations with me, his wife, up until 6 days before he told me he wanted a divorce. He groped me in our kitchen and wanted more intimacy only 3 days before they became a couple. He was constantly telling me how much he loved me and affectionate toward me up until the day he told me he wanted a divorce, and they became a couple that same day. They want people to ignore how the day he told me he wanted a divorce is the same day that Louis and Sarah celebrate as their anniversary day.
He doesn’t think our child needs a therapist to help her deal with the divorce that he wants so that he can go be with his homewrecker girlfriend who is 15 years younger than him. He refuses to believe that his actions are affecting our children. He just wants what he selfishly wants which is to be with someone else without any concern for the family he has destroyed in the process of seeking a younger woman to replace the wife he claimed to love for over 14 years.
In his mind, it is perfectly okay for Sarah to refer to my family has her own when talking to her co-workers and friends. She is now claiming my kids as her and his kids by referring to them as “our kids” when she talks about them. He defended her when I brought this to his attention that I was offended that she not only claimed I have mental issues and then referred to my children with him as “our children” as if they were his and her children. He said whomever told me this was lying because she would never try to step into my shoes and take my children.
He even told me how she “worried that the kids would grow to like her more than they like me.” STUPID man has not been around many manipulative, lying women before because well I can’t lie well and avoid lying by simply always trying to be honest (according to my best friend and soon to be ex-husband I suck at lying and everyone can tell when I try because it is written on my face), so he does not have much practice with the whole woman way of asking permission for something by actually expressing it as if it was a worry or concern. That was basically her way of asking him permission to pursue to win my children’s love just like she “won” his love away from me. Duh.
Our children are hurting, and he is not concerned because he would rather ignore the children’s pain for his own happiness. Yeah, I am angry, hurt, and bitter but at least I am willing to acknowledge honestly that I am angry, hurt, and bitter over how he and her have treated me. However I am also VERY worried about my children. Specifically my oldest girl who is 9 years old and not accepting that mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. When daddy moved back into the house, she thought daddy was moving back into mommy’s room. She does not understand that mommy and daddy are not back together as a family now just because we live in the same house while fighting in court over who gets the house and who gets the kids for how much time. What she sees is daddy is back in the home again. What she wants is the picture she drew–notice the homewrecker is not in that picture and mommy and daddy appear to be holding hands. That is her dreams that he is planning to crush.
Nothing he has done has been “for our children” but all about him and for him and his girlfriend who he now puts before the well being of our children.
As I said in the previous post, it seem each month something happens coincidentally or magically which stresses me out and upsets me. November’s upset.
Wednesday, November 29th, per our usual agreement to allow him time with our children, he arrived at 4:40pm to spend a few hours with the girls while I took off to work out.
He usually brings his laptop bag into the house with his laptop. I often wonder why he insists on spending time with our girls if he is just going to use his laptop to “work” some transcription online thing or watch videos on his laptop. However he claims he does not get to do the transcription work at the house at which he is crashing because the couple he is crashing on their floor do not have internet. He claims he can only work at places like Starbucks who has free wifi or at our house where he can use the wifi. My point is that he is insisting on DAILY contact with the kids but not really spending that time with them if he is on his computer rather than spending time with them, but hey it’s his time.
So he packs up after I come back home because I was later than usual getting back from the gym (I stopped to pick up a prescription on my way home). He practically ran out the door when I got home. I got the girls in bed and went to the dinning room to work on grading a few papers for my classes. Under my laptop was a note from his homewrecker girlfriend, Sarah, to him.
First off, why was it even in the house? Why put it under my laptop? According to him he did not put it under the laptop on purpose. According to him, he took it off his car window and stuffed it in his pocket without reading it. He says he did not want me to see it on his window so he waited to read it until after I left to go to the gym. He is not sure how it got left on the table under my laptop. REALLY?
Second, “I love you to the moon and back” seriously? Does this girl not understand that is plagiarism? He never liked cliche crap like that before. He always appreciated originality–at least according to him.
So any way this upset me because frankly I don’t need reminders of his unfaithfulness. I don’t want to be reminded that my husband is openly committing adultery with another woman while still married to me. I don’t need to be reminded that he left our home, our kids, and me for her. It still hurts to realize that I put 14 years of my life into our relationship just for him to throw it away for a girl half my age. It still hurts to think about all my wasted time. It hurts to realize that I moved to Florida because he insisted he must live in Florida, yet he knew I was unhappy moving to Florida. I gave up my life, my budding career in Louisiana, and my dreams in order to come to Florida to make him happy just for him to decide he was unhappy no matter what I did for him.
The real eye opener was when I finally calmed down and we talked. I reminded him that he promised to never get bored with me and leave me for another woman. He apologized for what he called “being” him. He admitted that he is a sociopath who does not develop deep feelings for others. He made sure to clarify not psychopath but sociopath because he just does not get a deep emotional connection to people but he does have some small amount of empathy according to him.
My comment to that was along the lines of, “and you want to introduce HER to our children knowing you don’t develop deep emotional connections, so once the ‘newness’ wears off and you get bored with her then our children get hurt by losing her if they managed to get past the fact that she broke mommy and daddy apart?” He claims that this relationship is going to last in his opinion at least 5 years or so thus he feels it is appropriate to introduce her to the kids on a slow once a week type basis. WHAT!? So after 5 years when he gets bored with her it’s okay to screw up our kids some more emotionally? I don’t think so. At this point, I am holding him to the agreement that he can’t have our children around his girlfriend without my approval, and I refuse to give my approval until he pays for therapy for our 9 year in order to help her deal with his leaving the family like he has. Furthermore, I personally think HE NEEDS THERAPY too! Any parent who thinks it is okay to jump from relationship to relationship when he gets bored with his current lover does not need to introduce his kids to his lovers.
Why do I find myself only writing when I am hurting and troubled?
On Friday July 28, 2017 my husband Louis started getting ready to go to work. It was a normal day in which we exchanged affectionate gestures before he left. The day before he had copped a feel on me in the kitchen, and the entire time I was constantly on the lookout for our 8 year old to interrupt us as young children seem to have a radar for when parents are sneaking little intimacies (he joked about this all the time). It has been like this over the summer in that before he would go to work, we would kiss, hug, and even sneak little naughty gestures of intimacy when our children were not looking. While he was at work, I dealt with the AC/Heating repair gentleman because our house unit was not cooling properly. We were in contact during the time via text messages so I could keep him updated on the repair situation. Because I normally have to be up early in the mornings with the children, I got ready for bed at my normal time of 9:30pm and was lying in bed by 10pm. I usually rest while waiting to hear my husband arrive home from work which is normally any time between 10:35 to 10:50 pm. Some nights (in fact more often lately) he would come into the bedroom to see if I was asleep and to kiss me goodnight before he went to sit at his home laptop to wind down from his day of work. He would do this because I had told him previously that I normally wait to hear him arrive before I fully allow myself to fall asleep. Little did I know that as I drifted off to sleep that night that my husband was planning to wake me up and destroy my life with a shocking announcement.
At 3:08 am Saturday, July 29, 2017 my husband wakes me up to tell me he is very unhappy with our relationship. He says I do not “fulfill” him. He feels we are not compatible and have never been compatible. For 14 years and 2 months he has been unhappy. I am shocked, and can’t think. Not only am I still struggling to wake up, but I am listening to my husband announce that our relationship is completely over and that nothing I say or do will change it. He tells me I have no choice in the matter; he is done with our marriage. He wants to move on with his life and seek someone who might make him feel “fulfilled” which is something he claims he never felt in our entire 14 years of being together. He wants a chance to find happiness, and he says that surely I want to be happy too, as he does not believe I have been happy. I informed him that I was happy with our family and marriage, but that I am currently unhappy with myself because I am still struggling to lose the weight from my last pregnancy while trying to take care of our 22 months old daughter. He assures me that he is not leaving me for another but that he really just wants to have the opportunity to seek a chance of finding someone who might “fulfill” him. He hopes I will not make it difficult, but wants me to allow him to have reasonable visitation with our two young children. Unable to say much of anything due to the fog of shock I was cast into at that time, I cry.
He tells me he wants to live in our guest bedroom until he can afford to get a place of his own. He wants me and the girls to have the house. He knows I don’t have a full-time job, so while I look for full-time work he will continue to pay the bills on the house until I get a full-time job. Once I get a full-time job, he will be able to afford his own place according to him, if I start paying the payments on the house mortgage. He also claims he understands it will take some time to find myself full time work. I agree but tell him one thing is that until he moves out, no dating. I don’t believe in dating while still living together would be good for my sanity nor our children. I tell him it would set a bad example for our children, but I also tell him that because I still love him I would not be able to handle watching him date others in front of me. Thus until he moves out there will be no dating.
As he turns to leave our room, I notice our shotgun which usually hangs on the wall is missing. I ask him about it, and he informs me that he was concerned about my reaction so he took it down and hid it. I ask why he felt he could not trust me when I have never shown him reason to think I would harm him. He laughs and says it was just a precaution. He walks out of our bedroom to go to the guest room for the night.
Saturday, July 30, he wakes up earlier than usual and starts helping me fold and put away clothes when he never has wanted to help with house chores. I try to talk to him on the sly because I don’t want to fight with him in front of our 8 year old daughter. I weep and ask questions from time to time during the day. Most of the questions I am asking is along the lines of why did he not tell me sooner how he was feeling? Why wait 14 years? Surely he has not been miserable the entire 14 years as he claimed.
He constantly stands firm in an almost hateful but certainly very harsh manner as he tells me it is over, and he expects me to move on with my life and find happiness without him. During this time, any time I move near to him; he quickly moves away. He keeps avoiding being near me and keeps at least 5 foot distance from me at all times. He holds himself stiff and uncomfortable in my presence. He keeps telling me that I have done nothing wrong, but we are just not compatible. I do not fulfill him.
As it is Saturday, he works. Only he uses the excuse that he is working on some graphics art work for a work project contest as an excuse to leave 30 minutes earlier than usual. Then he does not come home at his usual time, but instead stays out over an hour and an half past his usual arrival time home. I get upset. I sent him a text message that started off nice but got progressively more aggressive toward the end. It said, “Are you safe? Are you trying to worry/stress me out? Or are you really going to be this big of a fucking immature ass? At least have the curtsy to let the people who you still live in the same home know you’re okay if you are going to be so damn late.” When he finally came home, he said he was out in the parking lot shooting the bull with some co-worker guy. The guy offered him a place on his couch because supposedly Louis looked so upset at work that the guy felt maybe Louis needed a place to crash once knowing that Louis had broken off his marriage.” (now I wonder if this is even true because Louis has been caught in several lies– Edit: most likely he was spending time with his co-worker girlfriend as I now have proof the girlfriend considers this to be the date of his and her anniversary together). 
I laid into him when he got home for being so late and putting me through worry. I explain we are still married and still living together in the same home thus out of respect he should have let me know he was going to be late so I would not worry.
Then we talked because I told him that I did not want him unhappy with our family. I asked all kinds of questions to try to understand why he was so unhappy. He never could pin point anything in particular. Just a general unhappiness that I do not “fulfill” him. He is unable to give specifics.
We move on to talking about our girls and how to handle the house, visitation, my not having a full time job (because he wanted me to cut my hours back at work in order to care for our children as he had a full-time job with benefits and my job was not full time with benefits) so I can’t support myself and the girls, etc. He wants me to stay in the house with the kids. He offers to continue paying our bills until such time as I am able to get back on my feet in order to be self-sufficient. I agree to all he proposes without arguing over any of it really because it seems like he is trying to be fair to me and the kids.
Again he reiterates that he just wants me to allow him visitation time with the kids. He explains he will move out but that he can’t right away because he does not have funds to get a place of his own yet. Furthermore, if he is going to continue to pay the house bills here for the girls and I, then he won’t be able to afford a place of his own until after he gets either a significant pay raise or the transfer to a new position that he is interested in (and supposedly the department for that position is seeking him specifically out in hopes of getting him to transfer to them when this position becomes available–whenever that is as no one seems to know). He wants to remain at the house for an indefinite amount of time and keep things pretty much the way things are except he will sleep in the guest bed and I in our king sized marriage bed. He wants to move out when he gets enough money together to allow him to move, but he talks like this could take many months. Again, I agree but I have one demand. No dating. Neither of us is to date anyone while we still live together as I would consider that cheating as long as we still live in the same home. The look on his face and the posture of his body immediately alerted me that I had indeed stumbled on the issue at that point.
He immediately did an about face on him the living in the house issue and decided he would go live with his friends KKBFF and Chris who are a couple he knows because KKBFF works with him at Navy Federal Credit Union. He wants to date and does not want to wait to seek his next soul mate or future whatever. At this point, I asked him again if there was someone else. He says no there is no one in particular, but he wants to be free.
He claims he just wants to date to seek someone who will “fulfill” him. Again he is not able to be more specific so we go around and around with him playing word games. We re-hash the terms and agreements that he is proposing regarding him getting time with the kids and taking care of us financially. All of which I am willing to agree with but I push the no dating issue. I am not willing to allow either of us to date and do not want strangers coming in to the home around our girls. I explain this to him. He finally agrees that he will not date until he moves out. He makes a few text messages and tells me he will get with KKBFF the next day to discuss him staying with them until he can afford a place of his own.
Sunday, June 30th, he messages KKBFF when he gets up and arranges to meet with her at Sky Zone with her two boys and him bringing our daughter, Jasmine. He is supposed to discuss moving in with KKBFF and Chris until such time as he can get out on his own.
I let him know I will do my best to find full time work so that he does not need to stay there too long hopefully, but that I am concerned because I have been trying for full time work for years and nothing yet so far for me. Recently, I had a chance to apply for a full time position in my department, but when I mentioned it to him weeks before about the position in the department which was available, he said I should not apply because the position was “contract” work for 1 year only with no guarantee of renewal after the year. Before this breaking our marriage issue, he said it would not make sense to have me work full-time for such a job that was not secure nor permanent when he had secure and permanent work at Navy Federal. As we have never put our children in day care and always chose to work our work schedules opposite in order to be good parents, he would have to cut his hours back at Navy Federal if I took a full time position, and as it was not a secure job, his reasoning was that it would be stupid to give up a secure position with benefits on his part for me to work full-time–even though he constantly told me how he hates his job.
Around noonish, He goes off to Sky Zone with Jasmine and leaves Aurora with me. 2:14 pm, I get a text message letting me know they are still at Sky Zone that reads, “Just a heads up. We are still fine and still at Skyzone.” I replied, “Thank you for letting me know.” At 3:54pm I get a message, “Jasmine wants to go for ice cream. That fine? She refilled on time several times and jumped herself into a headache.”
At this point, I feel like he is over doing it on the keeping me informed. I send him a message saying, “I am not trying to control you damn it. I just want to know you are safe when you should have normally been home. Last night you would’ve been home an hour an half earlier on a normal night. Today I know you are out having fun with her. That fun with her is open ended no schedule time to come home. Last night you were late and didn’t tell me anything. Do you not get the difference? Last night was not about controlling you. I am not my mother. I don’t need to be in control of you and your time. I just needed to know you’re safe that everything was okay. He replies, “I understand but just making sure you know where I am with her. Over two hours later, he finally brings our daughter home.
He informs me that KKBFF and Chris are getting a new place to live around the 15th of August, so he needs to wait until then to move out of our home and into the home with KKBFF and Chris. I say “okay but just remember I don’t want any dating as long as you are still living here. It is disrespectful.” He needs to move out before dating as I don’t feel the relationship is over until he moves out plus I don’t want our girls exposed to a bunch of different strangers. I tell him I feel anyone who meets our girls should have been around a good while first so as to avoid hurting the girls.
We continue to talk and I tell him I feel he is leaving me for someone in particular who has caught his attention. I tell him how I trust he has not actually slept with her yet, but that all signs point to his having a particular person in mind for dating. He denies it at first. Eventually, after I present my factual observations of him and his behavior, he finally relents. I tell him that I noticed he had changed his appearance by trying to grow a goatee this past week. I tell him I understand his feelings of mortality after having to see an eye doctor over his blurry vision. I let him know that his face and body language spoke loudly and clearly when he made the abrupt change in when he planned to move out only after I insisted on the no dating. He finally admits there is someone he is interested in but that he has not done anything to act upon it. According to him, they have not kissed, held hands, nothing, he insists because he wanted to end our relationship first before seeking her out.
He insists that surely I have occasionally had thoughts of being with another. To which I let him know I have never in 14 years even noticed another guy because I have been way too in love with him. My whole focus has been riveted on him since the day I met him. He is shocked. I can tell from his face and body language that he had no clue that I was that focused on him as my mate/partner. His attitude is due to how he likes to claim I have an insatiable sex appetite—even to the point of calling me a nympho from time to time. I let him know that while I love sex, I can control myself and my urges because I deeply love him, so when I could not have him I used my battery operated toys without shame and always remained faithful even in my head and heart to him. My love for him was always more important that any physical sexual urges I might have because I always felt if a person truly loved someone then the person would not hurt the person they love by cheating–even emotional cheating. I have been known to joke that if there was such a thing as love at first sight, that I felt it for him when I first met him May 3, 2003. I then typically follow up with how I believe in “lust at first sight, but that love grows over time.” So no, I have never even looked at another since I met him on that beautiful May night, which is why it hurts so very badly that he waited 14 years to get bored with me, after I was so deeply, madly in love with him that I can’t even think of a future without him in it.
Monday, June 31st, I go to work in the morning. He is very distant from me. If I enter a room he keeps a huge distance from me. Avoids being too close to me. He tells me that he wants to go to see a movie that night with Chris and KKBFF, but wants to make sure I am okay with the girls for the night. I let him know I am okay and that I hope he enjoys the movie. He tells me it will be in the afternoon around 5ish.
I decide that I will get on Facebook messenger to contact my mother. I have not been in touch with her for over a year and a half but decided a few weeks before all this started that it is time to forgive her saying some totally mean stuff to Louis. So I tentatively reach out to her. I see I have some Facebook friend invites. Sarah B…….. sent me a friend invite back on July 1st but because I was avoiding my mother, I did not ever see the invite. KKBFF had just that morning sent an invite to me for friend request. I mention it to Louis. He tells me to ignore them that I don’t need to be involved with them. They are supposedly just some of his co-workers. I accept KKBFF’s invite and send her a message to let her know I was not ignoring her but that I don’t get on Facebook much lately so I missed when she sent it. I tried to send the Sarah person who also sent me an invite the same or similar message but find I cannot. Sarah has me blocked. I figure she got mad that I did not accept her invite at the first of the month. I don’t worry about it. He leaves around 5:20sih pm for the movie. I go back online to Facebook to see if mother has responded because I refuse to have Facebook messenger on my phone due to annoying little “ting” during the day every time someone sends a message.
I am surfing on the web and periodically checking back to Facebook messenger to see if mother got my message and responded when I notice a post by KKBFF. This post is congratulating her man for an award at work. She declares she is going to marry that man and tells him to get outside to get his lunch because she wants to go home. She posts this at 6:56 pm when they are supposed to be in a movie with Louis. I try to talk myself down from the upset feelings at realizing he might have lied to me about who he was with at the movie. I call my best friend Jenn because I am hopeful she will help me not see or read too much into this. After all surely this KKBFF could be texting during the movie, right? No. Jenn actually listened to me read the post then pointed out that it sounded like KKBFF was dropping off Chris’s lunch then going home which is not the movie theater. So I wait. And wait. Around 10:02 pm I text him “We need diapers for the baby. We’re out.” He responds, “Will get some on the way back.” I think surely he will be home soon then as he knows I need diapers. 12:30 rolls around and I get tired of waiting and stewing over his lying to me.
I call. He answers. He is saying something to someone in the back ground then informs me that he is at Whataburger and getting into the car to come home. I tell him I know he lied to me. I tell him I believe he is on a date. He denies it. I tell him I can prove he was not at the movies with KKBFF and Chris. He replies, “prove it.” I tell him about the post from KKBFF. He replies, “I am going to kill her.” He comes home and we fight because I accuse him of dating. He says it was not a date. They did not kiss. They just talked. I told him it was still a date which is something we agreed he would not do until he moved out. He maintains it was not a date. I tell him he needs to get out of the house right away that I am not tolerating his dating so soon after telling me our marriage is over.
I remind him that one thing sets me off quick and hard—a lie. He knows I have issues with people lying to me. The entire argument he maintains it was not a date but just two people getting together as friends. I call him a liar and a cheat. I accuse him of leaving me for another woman and that he can’t even wait 48 hours after breaking my heart before he is out with another woman. I tell him that he is cheating as long as we still live in the house together. He feels it is not cheating because he told me that the relationship is over. I tell him that I am shocked by his lack of morals considering all these years he ragged on anyone who cheated on a spouse like this. During the argument he lets her name “Sarah” slip and I realize that she is the one who sent me a Facebook friend invite back at the first of July then sent me messages in middle of July, but because I was avoiding talking to certain family members on Facebook, I had not seen the invite nor messages due to not logging in for the month. He confirmed that yes his new girl is that Sarah Broaddus from the Facebook invite. Now her blocking me suddenly makes tons of sense. She is the other woman.
She is the woman he is leaving me in order for him to be with her. He eventually admits that Sarah was at Sky Zone when he went to meet KKBFF the day before, but he assures me that he did not know she was going to come to Sky Zone. She just showed up with KKBFF because Sarah and KKBFF are besties. Furthermore, he tells me that they barely spoke to one another and did not even give looks to one another because our daughter Jasmine was present at Sky Zone, and he was not there to meet up with Sarah but was there to talk to KKBFF about moving in with KKBFF and Chris.
Tuesday, August 1st, I go to work and by the time I come home he is getting ready for work. I have a few moments of heated discussion regarding his sudden lack of morals after all these years of making me believe he had morals which would never allow him to cheat on me or to break my heart like this. I remind him of all the times I told him I was worried he would get bored with me like he does all his “artistic” projects and move on but that he always reassured me that he loved me, so he would not become bored with me. He just wants to focus on the fact that our relationship is over while I am still trying to figure out how and why it ended. He tells me that I need to stop living in the past but to focus on the future. He is looking forward to the future and ignoring the past while I am too busy focusing on the past, he accuses. He tells me to go out meet new people and get laid. (Yes, he actually told me, his grieving wife, to go get laid!) He tells me to move on. He goes to work. When he comes home, I am still trying to get answers from him over this break up of our marriage. I get nowhere with him using word games to create verbal sleight of hand to avoid any discoveries I might would make in trying to figure out what happened to end my marriage.
Wednesday, August 2 is similar in that I go teach then try to hit the gym for a short bit. By the time, I return home he is getting ready to walk out the door. I won’t see him until much later. While fixing dinner for our 8 year old, she tells me that she is sad that daddy is moving out. She does not want him to move out. I explain that I don’t want him to move either but that he no longer wants to be with mommy that he now wants to be with Ms Sarah. Jasmine excitedly tells me that Ms Sarah is fun. That she went with Jasmine and Louis to have ice cream after leaving Sky Zone. Then she gets a lower worried voice when she says, “I am sorry mommy. I wasn’t supposed to tell you that because it might hurt your feelings.” I am like, “What! Who told you to keep a secret from me?” Turns out Louis told Jasmine not to talk to me about Sarah whom Jasmine not only was introduced to at Sky Zone but then Sarah played with my child at Sky Zone and went to have ice cream afterward. However, the friend KKBFF who he was supposed to meet at Sky Zone did not go with Louis, Jasmine, and Sarah for the ice cream. It was just him and his girlfriend with our daughter! Yet when he admitted in a previous discussion that Sarah was at Sky Zone he made it sound like she did not interact with him hardly at all nor did he indicate that he had introduced his home wrecker to our child. I get pissed and text him to let him know I know how he asked Jasmine to keep a secret from me—her mommy. How dare he! I pack the girls up and head to his mother’s house in Mossy Head for the night. I am angry. How dare he ask my child to keep secrets from me.
I have not been sleeping hardly at all since the first night he dropped this bomb shell on me. I am either crying or have crazy thoughts running through my head demanding to know what the hell has happened to me and my marriage that I thought was so very good lately. We hardly ever argued. Since we moved to the house we are buying back in 2012 we have only fought over what was best for our daughter and even then not much fighting really just more a heated discussion over Jasmine’s bed times and screen time. He does not like me limiting her screen time nor making her go to bed early for school times. So since I am not sleeping, I keep thinking of how we never fought any more. All our fighting was done before we moved into this home we are purchasing.
We did not even really fight when we found out we were expecting a second child unexpectedly. We had some tense weeks because he wanted me to abort Aurora rather than go through with the pregnancy. He made it clear that while it was my body and my choice, he did not feel a need for another child and he did not want me going through such a hardship at my age for fear of my health. He was advocating termination in a round about way but claiming he would be willing to accept my decision. Even then we did not really fight over it. He made me feel he wanted me to abort the pregnancy but deep down I did not want to do it so I told him I would not do it after the pregnancy advanced past the 8th week unless there turned out to be something wrong with the baby or my health during the early health testing. So if we did not fight over such a rough and unexpected issue then what the hell happened to make him suddenly decide he wanted a divorce?
I mean we lived together for years before we got married even though he called me his wife for 12 of those years while we were not married. We had two children before we got married. Now we have been legally married for only year, and he suddenly is so very unhappy that he claims he has been unhappy for the entire 14 years? I did not even ask him to marry me. He suggested us getting married last year! My head won’t stop thinking about how is this possible that he just suddenly decides to leave the family? So I get very little sleep. I drive home in the wee hours while leaving our girls at his parent’s house where I know they will not be exposed to the massive fight that I know we are about to have because HOW DARE HE ASK OUR CHILD TO KEEP A SECRET FROM ME! This one thing has broken me. I hate him for his lies but mostly I hate that he dared to involve our daughter when he keeps telling me to calm down and stop being upset over the ending of our marriage because we need to “remain friends for the kid’s sake.”
Yeah. Friends. Right. As if I could ever trust him again now. Not only did he lie to me but he introduced our child to his new girlfriend less than 24 hours after telling me he wants a divorce. Then asked our child to keep it secret from me. Yep this is going to be the argument to end all right now.
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